Review:Toronto:King West:Wvrst

I have sausage envy.

Maybe it’s because I live in a city where my choices are limited to mild or hot italian. Maybe it’s because I still reminisce about the mustard laden monstrosity I had during Oktoberfest in Munich last year (even though it’s width that matters, not length right?)

Sausage at octoberfest
Sausage at Oktoberfest and origin of  my sausage envy

Wvrst opened a couple of years ago in an attempt to mesh the Oktoberfest experience with the downtown Toronto dining scene. Nicely polished wooden communal tables fill the second-story open space as music (don’t expect any Walter Ostanek) fills the air.  Against one wall are shelves full of beer beside 16 or so draught taps ranging from local to international, with a focus on German favorites. In the back is where you order, pay and have a seat.

The menu is like the United Nations of sausage.  With around two dozen choices, one can stick with a traditional German brat, an italian pork sausage or experience the tastes  of South Africa, Tunisia, Slovania or Mexico.  If you’re more of a Duck Dynasty fan, you can opt for Guniea fowl, pheasant or duck.  Big game like wild boar, elk, venison and bison compete for you palate with cute bunnies and kangaroos.  There are even vegetarian options for those who choose to eat what food eats. You can top your choice with peppers, sauerkraut or jalapenos or even a tomato curry sauce.

The fries are available straight up or dirty and with or without duck fat. Dirty means topping them with the same toppings available for the sausage.  If you don’t want it dirty, you can get one of about a dozen dipping sauces on the sauce.

Masked with onion and jalapenos, I suppose I could say this was any of the majestic meats, but I did opt for wild boar stuffed with mushroom and tea.  The bun was like the old lady down the street; crusty on the outside but soft in the middle. I went dirty and ducky with the fries.  They were magically filthy, like playing in the dirt and making mud pies.

Wvrst Dirty Duck Fries $6.50
Wvrst Dirty Duck Fries $6.50
Wild Boar Sausage $9
Wild Boar Sausage $9

Wvrst employees know their beer yet keep the pretension to a minimum.  I mean, they use cool words like “tap takeover” and are keen to discuss the evolution of North American hops but don’t look at you like you’re an inferior moron (unless of course you insist on a bud light or try to argue that the Keith’s Cascade Hop Ale is a real beer). Featuring a slew of Quebec taps, I had a Shawinigan Handshake, a fruity and complex IPA with tremendous balance.   Apparently it’s hitting the LCBO in the coming weeks (thanks to the informative barkeep for the tip).

My Take

I suppose I should insert the cliche comments about this phonetically challenged restaurant.  Wvsrt lacks a vowel but doesn’t lack character. There’s no u in wvest  and no i in beer (unless you’re in France or Quebec). This place is well wvrst in touting the sausage. Despite only a handful of menu items, the vast array of encased critters makes for a tough decision.  The duck fries, alone or adorned with the dirt, are highly addictive. The beer selection rivals anywhere in the Toronto.  The staff are knowledgeable, engaged and friendly.  It can get quite loud either due to the bellowing, glass clinking drunkards lining the communal tables and/or the blaring music filling the open, square dining area. Even without lederhosen and dirndls, Wvrst has all the elements to ease my aching sausage envy without having to resort to one of the numerous hot dog carts clogging the downtown core.

Wvrst on Urbanspoon

Review:Toronto:King West:Beast

There are many dichotomies that exist in the world.  Numerous works of literature have been penned which attempt to paint a picture of such polarity.  Charles Dickens tells us a tale of two cities.  Robert Louis Stevenson  describes Dr. Jeckyl and Mr Hyde.  It is no wonder that this concept has crept its way into the culinary world.

Eric Ripert and Anthony Bourdain have traveled across North America on their Good vs  Evil Tour, embarking on friendly discussions of the triumphs and perils of the culinary culture.  Chef Ripert  is a distinguished chef and a poster boy of the cliché French chef with his frosty hair, pristine chef’s coat and seductive accent.   10 Arts, his restaurant in Philadelphia, is an example of his  simple, clean cooking style with probably the best octopus I have ever had.  Anthony, on the other hand, is a pop culture icon, traveler, author and a celebrity more than he is a chef.  He’s a bone-sucking, bug chewing son of a bitch who tells off food critics and television executives at will.  They are sort of the Beauty and the Beast of the culinary world.

It’s no surprise that Beast, the King West Bistro, was a sponsor of the Good vs Evil tour’s recent stop to Toronto.   It boasts the same premise; good and evil wrapped into one. Other examples include the art, which showcase nubile figures with animalistic heads.  With brunch,  you are offered sweet ketchup together with fiery, housemade hot sauce.  During brunch, you can get a fresh French pressed coffee with a  cherry, coconut donut or one of the filthiest breakfast sandwich in the GTA.  Even the name, Beast, leads one to picture either a noble and majestic animal roaming a grassy plain or flaming soul stealing Lucifer.

I rarely eat brunch and I’m rarely in Toronto with my kids. The mention of a breakfast joint with donuts closed the deal.  They offer a platter of 4 for $10. On this day, there was maple bacon, cherry coconut, a Jack Daniels twist and a Kahlua filled cream donut. Watching two kids fighting for a maraschino cherry is always a blast (in this regard my daughter is good, my son is evil).  They were sinful and quite divine, reminiscent of old school donuts before Tim Horton’s redefined them with their current, par-baked, flimsy version. The finishing touch was a number made to order french press coffee options served with a timer for optimal brewing time.

Array of Donuts (4 for $10)
Array of Donuts (4 for $10)

Beast takes advantage of puffy brunch prices with a $12 bacon and eggs but with a twist…a bottle of Labatt  50 (a testament to the fact that hipsters still can’t let go of beer their fathers and grandfathers drank).  Since my daughter is not a fan of 50 (and the fact she is 13), we opted for the good version (booze free) for $10.  She did get a non-alcoholic ginger beer, which was an aggressively powered elixir which was a bit over the top for a teen palate.  I finished it off and she went with a safer freshly squeezed OJ. As the breakfast, it was an average bacon and eggs, with crisp bacon and slightly soggy potatoes.

Labatt 50 Breakfast $12 ($10 without 50)
Labatt 50 Breakfast $12 ($10 without 50)

The progression from good to evil finished with the beastwich.  Touted as one of the best and nastiest breakfast sandwiches in town, I longed to to see why. The equation is as follows…biscuit, fried chicken, cheese, egg and sausage gravy.  I am a bit biased having a love affair with a similar dish at Lucky’s in Cleveland.    The biscuit was fluffy, the chicken was spot on, I wished for a little more yolkiness with the egg and the gravy was a little less complex than it could have been.  That being said, it held its own and can be considered a leader in GTA breakfast sandwich supremacy. The potatoes could be a bit better and it would be nice to see that void on the plate filled with some grapes, strawberries or another acidic fruit which could tear into the richness of the sandwich. Is $14 worth it?  I’ll let you decide.

Beastwich $14
Beastwich (with remnants of ginger beer)  $14

My Take

Beast offers a fascinating brunch, offering everything from fried pickles to poutine to pork hock.  Even naming their chorizo after Luis Suarez, one of the sweetest yet beastly strikers currently in the English premier league, is an example of the ongoing  theme of polarity.   Don’t expect fluffy pancakes and delicate crepes here; most of the dishes are evil, savory and beast heavy.  The combination of the menu variety and the decent food makes this a place I would come back to again for brunch or dinner…but I would need to be feeling much more Bourdain than I would Ripert.

Beast on Urbanspoon

Review:Toronto:Airport:Boccone Trattoria Veloce

The mustache is a noble feature.  Some of the most famous and notorious people in history including Charlie Chaplin, Adolf Hitler, Tom Selleck and even Nintendo’s  Mario have all been somewhat defined by their mustache. They are a trend right now, appearing on everything from girl’s sweaters to keychains to taxis (yes there is a cab company called Mustache rides in Indianapolis).  The mustache has even become the focal point of Movember, when men who have no business growing facial hair can get away with it for a month a year.

The Toronto culinary scene has it’s own famous mustache; celebrity chef Massimo Copra. Fifteen years ago he opened Mistura which redefined Italian food in Toronto.  He has taken his innovation beyond facial hair and has expanded into one of the most under serviced areas in the restaurant business…the airport.

Historically, Toronto airport fare could  best be defined as mass-produced, overpriced, cafeteria food which needs to be cut with dull utensils.  More recently, popular chain restaurants such as Weber’s and Casey’s have emerged as alternate and slightly better choices.  As of 2013, Chef Copra has raised the bar by opening  Boccone, the first in what promises to be a slew of celebrity chef  inspired restaurants in what should be a perfect  dining market; travelers with expense accounts and good taste contained in a glass bubble with time to kill. Even if there isn’t a lot of time, Baccone offers a 10-minute guarantee to ensure one doesn’t miss their flight or has time for a pre-flight manicure.

Located in terminal one, Baccone is a modest eatery offering an array of standard Italian foods including pizza, pasta and sandwiches.   A gluten free menu is featured predominately at the entrance featuring things like corn pasta.

They also have a mid-size drink list which offers a few classics. I opted for a Baccone’s Blood Orange gin cocktail for a reasonable $10. It was a refreshing, somewhat sophisticated drink but with an orange garnish the size of the glass it  managed to maintain  a bit of the cheesiness of an old school airport cocktail.

Blood Orange Cocktail $10
Blood Orange Cocktail $10

I decided on pasta for lunch and ordered the $16 Gamberetti spaghetti; a simple olive oil based dish with shrimp, tomato and zucchini.  As promised, the dish came out in the 10th minute and was served hot. The pasta was a perfect al dente, the large shrimp were cooked to maintain their moistness and was seasoned well. The “airport” in this dish was  the grated Parmesan served in a white, ribbed ramekin…classic.

Gamberetti Spaghetti $16
Gamberetti Spaghetti $16

Unable to pass on dessert, I was torn between a half dozen classic offerings.  I settled for the frittelle, an Italian style donut served with chocolate and whipped cream.  Eight glazed timbit sized morsels arrived warm and served in a newspaper-like liner.  Three  were plenty because they were sweeter than a purring kitten wearing a gondolier hat while paddling through the canals of Venice.  The chocolate and whipped cream intensified the sweetness.  I’m glad I ordered a coffee as well since  the  bitterness was able to create a bit of  a balance.

Frittelle $9
Frittelle $9

My Take

The stash has made a splash with the opening of a high quality restaurant in the normally mundane airport market.   The decor is bright and fun and the variety of the food is great, including a modest list of  gluten free options.  The friendly service was prompt and they kept to the 10 minute promise.  This is an ideal stop for the traveler searching for quick and decent food that stays within the expense budget.

Although I did see him buzzing around the restaurant,  I didn’t get a chance to speak to Massimo himself…nor did I get a  picture. If anything, at the advice of my son, I was dying to say to him “I mustache you a question…..” . Sigh…I guess I’ll have to shave it for later.

 

Boccone Trattoria Veloce on Urbanspoon

Review:Toronto:Little Italy/Portugal Village:The Guild

Guild is a cool and near forgotten word in the English language. It was once a medieval term used  to describe a a pseudo-union of artisan specialists who unified to protect their trade. Secrecy was a prominent component  necessary to protect things like unique trade secrets.  Since then, the word has become a bit dormant. Today, we do see it used in Hollywood. The Screen Actor’s Guild, a group formed in the 1930s to combat deplorable working conditions in the film industry and  has now evolved to over 105000 thousand numbers when it merged to form SAG-AFTRA a few years back. The modern quilt guild (MQG)  is another organization which uses this term. With over 150 worldwide chapters devoted  to the art of making quilts, it appears to be a bit more than it seems.  A  quick check of their blog (http://themodernquiltguild.wordpress.com/) shows members sporting bad ass tattoos and racy pictures from the Quiltcon conference’s 80’s night. It  makes you think they might do more than make pretty blankets. Needless to say, I was intrigued when a somewhat secretive restaurant aptly named “The Guild” opened its doors recent in the Dundas/Davenport area. I guess my question was “Would this eatery be like every other trendy restaurant or might it have some unique attributes like cool menu items you could only consume  if you executed a secret handshake that you learned  from a MQG creation? Let’s start with the set.  It’s a large space with a window front which opens to the street and an open kitchen in the back.  There are centrepieces on the solid wood tables, funky hippie murals painted on the walls and shiny gold ceilings. Think of it as Casino Royale  meets Austin Power’s shag pad.  There is a large bar stocking all sorts of sinful potables. There is an abundant drink list with everything from the standards (eg. old-fashioned) to funkier choices (e.g. cider sours) to non-alcoholic shakes made from almond milk. The cider sour was a special drink they made for a private function the week before and it stayed on the secret menu.  It was tasty although I would have liked it a little more sour.  The shake was refreshing as well; a good example of a grown-up non-alcoholic cocktail other than a virgin daiquiri.

Cider Sour and Chocolate Mint Almond MIlk Shake
Cider Sour and Chocolate Mint Almond Milk Shake

The staff seem to be made up of SAG actors themselves,  sporting nice coifs and good looks.  They knew their lines as well, reciting the menu with expertise and confidence. In fact, my waiter looked like Zachary Quinto.  Even the kitchen staff look the part, wearing mechanic uniforms in the garage-like open kitchen and moving fluidly while adding pinches of salt during food preparation. There is a bit of secrecy around the menu.  The website posts a sample menu but it changes frequently given the availability of local ingredients. The bits and bites menu is like a series of movie trailers.  It offers a morsel of entertainment instead of a whole dish  for just a couple of bucks. guild menu bits I opted for a trailer trio; the white cheddar croquette, the guanciale wrapped cherries and rabbit haunches (a secret menu item available to members of the guild).  The cherry was a delectable little treat and the croquette was ok. The rabbit, which I equate to a dark meat version of a chicken wing, was spiced nicely and cooked well.

Bits and Bites $2
Bits and Bites $2

With the trailers consumed, it was time for feature presentation: guild menu main . The beet salad was kind of like Scream 5… pretty predictable.  Despite the use of the trendy sous vide cooking method , it was a nicely dressed but still a standard salad.

Beet Salad $7
Beet Salad $7

The local mushrooms, pine nut puree and egg emulsion was like a remake of a classic flick. It was a twist on a classic mushroom omelette except it was deconstructed so that the mushroom was the prominent ingredient. It was a pleasant starter as it strongly resembled  the taste of the original it was based on.

Local mushrooms, pine put puree and egg emulsion-$9
Local mushrooms, pine put puree and egg emulsion-$9

Unfortunately, the octopus was sold out (kind of like trying to get a ticket for a marvel comic film on opening night), so I opted for the quail and scallop dish.  It was a tale of two proteins.  The scallops were cooked wonderfully and seasoned well.  The quail, on the other hand, was overcooked and rather dry. I’d equate it to seeing a movie with a great and no so great actor (eg. any Lethal Weapon, Good Will Hunting  or Rush Hour).

Quail and Scallops $19
Quail and Scallops $19

I’m always intrigued as to whether or not a place with a small menu can accommodate various food requirements including vegetarian options.  In this case, a “not on the menu” gnocchi with a tomato sauce was the offering.  Like the beet salad, it was fairly routine and fairly predictable but tasty nonetheless.

Not on the menu gnocchi $16
Not on the menu gnocchi $16

The dessert menu offers a half dozen reasonable priced options.  I opted for the bruleed fennel, rum kumquat ice cream and coffee panna cotta.  I expected the brulee to be a fennel flavored custard, but instead it was a knife and fork requiring  caramelized piece of fennel . The apple and chocolate accompaniments were perfect although the kumquat was a bit odd.  The oddity of the kumquat continued in its matching with the rum in the main flavouring of the ice cream which in itself had  a great texture. The coffee panna cotta had an intense, almost overwhelming flavour that was somewhat offset by the condensed milk  ice cream.  The hazelnut crumble was pretty chewy and a bit too sticky, making for difficult eating from a dental perspective.

Bruleed Fennel $6
Bruleed Fennel $6
Rum Kumquat Ice Cream $3
Rum Kumquat Ice Cream $3
Coffee Panna Cotta $6
Coffee Panna Cotta $6

My Take The Guild follows most of the rules, but offers some uniqueness in the bits and bites and relatively inexpensive dessert menu.  There is a good, diverse cocktail menu and the decor is funky and current.  In general, the food is predictable and gets one thumb up and one thumb down. It’s still early in production, but I can see the potential of this place.  Fixing the simple problems, removing their infatuation of kumquats and promoting their uniqueness will no doubt make me a guild member moving forward. Speaking of guilds…I think I’ll approach SAG with an idea.  I’m going to propose a spinoff called “Daughters of Anarchy” starring Charlize Theron.  The premise is that the MQG is no doubt a secret organization with the intention of sending messages on behalf of  the Illuminati via the fabrication of Hello Kitty and Holly Hobbie  quilts.  In episode one, Toronto calls on the Cleveland MQG chapter to complete the patch over of rival quilters the Sassy Scarborough Stitchers, lead by Mabel MacKinnon (played by Betty White). After succeeding, the group is on “pins and needles” and must devise a “cover-up” to stay out of the limelight. Then again, maybe I’ll just stick to stuffing my face and blogging about it. The Guild on Urbanspoon

Review:Toronto:Kensington:Seven Lives

Kensington is often a turnstile for what’s trendy.  As a result, it’s not surprising that Seven Lives has opened in an attempt to follow the lead of  tacocentric eateries such as Grand Electric and La Carnita.  Sitting in the middle of this neighbourhood, it’s a small space with great music and seating for no more than a dozen people plus a small patio area in front.  The menu consists primarily of tacos although one could get ceviche or fries as well.

Seven Lives Menu
Seven Lives Menu

In honour of the fact that seven lives has a  logo which strongly resembles internet sensation grumpy cat, I’ve invited him along to assist in the review.

Seven Lives Logo
Seven Lives Logo
Grumpy Cat
Grumpy Cat

One of the features is three vats of juice (flavours rotate)  sitting on the counter.  You get a pint size serving for only $2. I opted for mango over tamarind and it was quite refreshing, which was a good thing since it killed the significant amount of time I had to wait.  I managed to beat the crest of the the rush, which topped 30 or so people in line, but I still had to wait 20 minutes (or 3/4  of my mango juice) for my 3 tacos.

$2 Mango Juice
$2 Mango Juice

Grumpy Cat?

Grumpy-Cat1
Waiting  Sucks

My definition of a good taco: one with moist, well seasoned fillings and abundant toppings.

I decided on the signature $5 Gobernador (stuffed with smoked marlin, shrimp and cheese).  The taco was stuffed full and its flavour was dominated by plenty of smoky fish, which was slightly dry.  The shrimp, cheese and other ingredients couldn’t compete with the intensity of the marlin in either texture  or taste, so in the end it was quite monotone.

seven marlin
The Gobernador $5

Taco number two was the $5 pulpo en mole verde (octopus with pumpkin seed mole). Unlike the Gobernador, the flavours were much more complex (as a mole should be), complete with a little sweet and a little spice.  The condiments were also more abundant, so the flavours were more rounded. The pumpkin seeds added a nice crunch.  The octopus was a bit chewy however.

Pulpo en Mole Verde $5
Pulpo en Mole Verde $5

The standard $4 carnita (pork) was taco number 3.  It was topped with the standard guacamole, tomato and onion.   I didn’t understand the huge chunks of pork which resulted in a dryer, less flavorful filling.  It lacked much of the pizazz of other pork tacos I have had.

Carnita Taco $4
Carnita Taco $4

The Seven Lives’ salsas were well done.  I tried both medium and hot, both of which were a nice balance of flavour and heat.

Grumpy Cat?

There's more to like than salsa.
There’s more to life than salsa.

My Take

In a taco shop containing all things Mexican, Speedy Gonzalez wasn’t one of them. Even by beating the rush, I still had a 20 minute wait.  Bring your pesos, because Seven Lives is CASH ONLY.  For the most part the tacos are quantity versus quality. relying on copious amounts of overcooked  and underseasoned meats at the expense of  the delicate architecture which normally exists  between shell, fillings and condiments.  In the end, it was a bit of a disappointment.

Grumpy Cat?

If this is Seven Lives, I don't want the other two.
If this is Seven Lives, I don’t want the other two.

Seven Lives on Urbanspoon

Review:Toronto:The Annex:Harbord Room

I’ve had a few celebrity sightings in life.  I remember seeing famed baseball pitcher Denis Martinez in a café after a Red Sox game back in the mid 90’s.  I rode 7 floors on an elevator with Alicia Silverstone and her dog in Toronto hotel circa 2004.

Nothing, however, makes me as excited as meeting anybody who has anything to do with the food industry.  I have had run-ins with icons Lynn Crawford and  Mark McEwan.  I’ve met top chef participants Jonathan Korecki, Carl Heinrich and Connie DeSousa through  visits to their restaurants.

Needless to say I was quite excited to meet Kevin Brauch during a recent visit to Harbord Room, a well established restaurant making good burgers and high end cocktails before burgers and high end cocktails were so cool.  He came in toward the end of my Monday night meal and we had a chance to chat all things food, drink, Alton Brown and Iron Chef.  Let me put it into perspective… I’d rather meet a guy who had built his career drinking all over the world and managing the egos of the likes of Bobby Flay  than let’s say, Tom Cruise, whose definition of acting is trying to convince us that he could street fight guys half his age and twice his height.

Stalking Kevin Brauch
Stalking Kevin Brauch

Must

Harbord room had a cool burger before having cool burgers was cool.  Erring on the side of simplicity, it’s as well known as Mario Batali’s orange crocs and the burger praises are ubiquitous in every critic and blogger review. It’s a gem from the bun to the perfectly cooked beef to the fries.

The Harbord Burger
The Harbord Burger

The whitefish ceviche was a blackboard special that was fresh and clean with perfect tones of heat and acidity and a Morimotoish delicacy.

Whitefish Ceviche
Whitefish Ceviche

As charcuterie crests in popularity across the GTA, Harbord room keeps up with the times with a board full of carnivorous treats ranging  from venison pepperoni to an airy chicken liver pate to a pleasant terrine that would make Marc Forgione’s hair stand on end (ok..bad example). There were house pickles, great crostini, homemade preserves  and a fried egg round it all off.

Charcuterie ($20)
Charcuterie ($20)

Harbord room has also stayed current in the world of cocktails, likely in part to the fact about a third of the restaurant is taken up by the bar.   High end liquors highlight a diverse drink menu which can get rather pricy.  I indulged in “Liquid Swords”, a complex meczal based multi-ingredient drink with an execution as meticulous and passionate as a Michael Symon lamb chop.

Consideration toward a good side is like paying homage to a good sous chef.  Let’s call the rapini the Anne Burell of sides.  Bitter rapini, salty almonds, hot chili and sweet sultanas only make sense as it appeals to all senses.

Harbord Room Rapini
Harbord Room Rapini

Maybe

There was a bit of Cornish hen controversy as our table was told it was not available due to a lack of greens.  We asked for it anyway only to find out that it hadn’t been brined for the appropriate amount of time but they would serve it anyway.  Despite the lack of bath time, the poultry was delicious and moist.  If anything the sausage, the only thing on the plate not involved in the controversy, was as lackluster as an Iron Chef trying to make dessert.

Cornish Game Hen and Sausage
Cornish Game Hen and Sausage

I enjoy olive oil cake and I like Harbord’s spin.  Priced in the single digits, it hit all the elements of a good dessert. The citrus and chocolate sides provided some variety to the neutral cake. The almond crunch added some needed texture.

Olive Oil Cake with Custard, Sorbet and Crunch
Olive Oil Cake with Custard, Sorbet and Crunch

Mundane

Let’s call this a relative mundane list.  Nothing at Harbord was bad per se, but the strength of the menu made some of the dessert seem a bit substandard.  The Valrhona Dark Chocolate & Smoked Banana Terrine, Salted Caramel, Peanut Butter Mousse & Dehydrated Chocolate & Banana Chips was a bit confusing.  A little too deconstructed, the flavours didn’t quite come together.  The Fresh Ricotta Doughnuts
Espresso & Caramel Pot de Creme, Espresso Tapioca & Crumble Meringue Wafer were decent but a bit predictable.  Although good and filled with diverse flavor, I don’t get the meringue wafer trend.  A little too much sweet on sweet.

Doughnuts and Terrine
Doughnuts and Chocolate Banana Terrine

I realize sex sells, but really……

Ummm....Harbord Cappuccino
Ummm….Harbord Cappuccino

My Take

The constant rave about the burger is a bit of a disservice to Harbord room.  The complex drinks, brilliant charcuterie and intuitive sides elevate it to iron chef caliber beyond it’s signature dish.  In a highly competitive market, Harbord maintains a balance between what works and what might work.

In honour of Kevin Brauch, Harbord room is one of the iron chefs of the Toronto restaurant scene.  Challengers emerge, claiming vivacious vibes and great burgers but Harbord has held the test of time against these admirable culinary opponents. It maintains tradition yet remains current in a manner synonymous with the likes of Geoffrey Zakarian. I’m looking forward to the new THR and Co. spin-off in May. Gotta run….I think Tom’s coming to kick my ass.  I’d tell him to pick on somebody his own size, but my 13 year old daughter is not home right now.

The Harbord Room on Urbanspoon

Review:Toronto:King West:Weslodge

Behind the Yellow Door- A Western Romance

A Novel by Gary Tayles

Introduction

If you ask any foodie for an opinion (which they are willing to give) , I think they would compare a Charles Khabouth restaurant empire to a romance novel. Romance novels are pretty on the outside, using  bare-chested, robe wearing, chiseled men with flowing manes who embrace buxom babes with their eyes closed and mouths open.  The interior, however, often lacks substance, with predictable themes of forbidden love and turgidity. The Khabouth empire, on the other hand, have beautiful decors, characterized by trendy themes, hardwood accents and big, well-stocked bars. Yet, in the opinion of some, the menu is often overpriced and lacks taste and substance.

Chapter 1- I Must Have Her

I opened up the large door and entered the saloon called Weslodge.  Smiling damsels greeted my group and we were sat beneath the watchful eye of a stuffed ptarmigan.  The holster wearing waitstaff were rag proper;  with coifs and pressed shirts who asked me to choose my lotion.  There were 4 or 5 pints of purge available on tap   but I opted for an orange spiced old-fashioned. The bourbon was nicely complemented by strong bitters which flirted with my eager tongue.

Orange Spiced Old-Fashioned ($15)
Orange Spiced Old-Fashioned ($15)

Of the number of tantalizing smalls offered on the bill of fare,  the  scallops were anything but tiny. I was seduced by the ample cleavage which was  accented with iberico crumbs and placed atop tender, firm lentils.  They were  tender and had a taste as fine as cream gravy.

Scallop ($14)
Scallop ($14)

As I did at Patria, Weslodge’s equally attractive sister (I musn’t tell her to avoid the family drama), I gambled and opted for shishito peppers; each was breaded and salted delicately.  This dish was flirtatious in that one out of every 10-15 are extra hot.  It took only two to find the spicy vixen I was seeking.

CRISPY SHISHITO PEPPERS $6
Crispy Shishito Peppers
$6

My search for a sweet piece of calico succeeded in the form of a sticky pudding.   She was traditional, with a simple beauty and a presentation that was highly desirable.

weslodge pudding
Sticky Pudding

Chapter 2- Maybe Baby

I liked her buns…they looked nice beside my pickle.  The burger itself was decent (I would call it average among the many burgers in the area) and a few more of the delicious  fries (to go with the tomatillo ketchup) would have been nice.

Weslodge Burger $18
Weslodge Burger $18

The chickpea panelle is one of the only truly  vegetarian items on the menu (many things are sprinkled with chorizo or iberico).  This bella donna is a sexy side with the mouth feel of a voluptuous  set of  lips.

Chickpea Panelle
Chickpea Panelle

The dessert  menu is elusive, so I inserted a pistareen to get a look at the Weslodge peepshow. Two sisters emerged; one was a prim and proper chocolate toffee bar donning  gold (well..gold leaf). The other was a bit more a hot mess, speckled with  meringue pieces (I really don’t get this trend), strawberries and sweet biscuits and cream.  I can’t remember the exact name of these two lasses (I didn’t write them down in my black book), which is ok because what happens at Weslodge stays at Weslodge.    In the end, after the sticky pudding, I felt a bit adulterous consuming these sweeties anyway.

Elusive Weslodge Dessert
Elusive Weslodge Dessert
Weslodge Gold Donning Dessertn($10 I think()
Weslodge Gold Donning Dessert($10 I think)

Chapter 3– Ugly as a Mud Fence

The Squash taters tots arrived as cold as an unpaid wag-tail. They were sent back and the second batch arrived only slightly warmer.  Regardless, they wouldn’t have  been that good even at the right temperature.

The arctic char  was a bit flimsy, underseasoned and wasn’t exactly charred.  I had to look up Henry Moore (to ensure he was not some sort of jilted lover who would come back carrying a peacemaker and a frown).  It turned out it’s a South Carolina plantation which grows rice and other grains.  Whew!  The grits were tasty and creamy but a bit mismatched with the oils and the char itself. The $26 price tag was steep. Honestly, I would have liked to see the grits without the char on the sides menu for a more reasonable price.

Squash Tots ($& Squash Tots ($7) and Charred Arctic Char ($26)
Squash Tots ($7) and Charred Arctic Char with Henry Moore Grits($26)

Afterward

In the previous western romance, a group of  schrunchers enters the yellow doors of Weslodge looking for sheconnery. The decor, from the large central bar to the quincy, is adorned with trinkets and taxidermy that would appease Ernest Hemingway.  The bar is without any sheephearder’s delight and instead offers high end and often house made firewater. The service had fits and starts, but the holstered staff were welcoming and the flow of food was reasonably steady.

 Weslodge possesses a definite culinary sexuality which relies on attractive decor combined with  delicate feminine dishes and desserts coupled with the masculinity of  3o+ ounce chucks of bone-in meat to feed testosterone-driven cravings. Charles Khabouth may in fact be the equivalent of Fabio in the restaurant world.  Nobody will admit they like him but his popularity remains unquestionable.  I would be remiss if I said that Weslodge had the substance of a Harlequin romance (or let’s say 50 shades for those who have no idea what I’m talking about) but  it does have a few things that left me a bit mitten.

Weslodge on Urbanspoon

Review:Toronto:Little Italy:Bestellen

A colleague of mine asked me a simple question the other day.  “Where can I get a good steak in Toronto?”.  There seems to be a few answers:

1.  A steak house with cuts of beef  as pricy as buying half a heifer at an auction not to mention the fact that the creamed spinach is extra.

2.  A chain offering AAA cut steak which inevitably ends up being generic like the rest of the menu.

3.  A few bistros which pair it with frites and douse it in some kind of butter so they can call it French cuisine.

This got me thinking about my recent visit to Bestellen and why it didn’t come top of mind.  The showcase of the rather large dining room is a transparent meat locker housing steaks of all shapes and sizes. One of the features is a $98, 32 oz steak with marrow and sides. Otherwise, they offer a daily cut in the $30 range. Add the fact it’s the brain child of Top Chef contestant Rob Rossi and it sounds like a slam dunk, right?

Must

You can’t go wrong with “buck a shuck” oysters, which  were fresh and addictive.  Although not served with fancy mignonette, they had the essentials; a lemon wedge, horseradish and a bottle of Tabasco.

Buck a Shuck Oysters
Buck a Shuck Oysters

The “toad in the hole” was a current spin on a old favorite.  The batter had a yorkie lightness which surrounded dense and delicious black pudding.  The eggs were a good medium to blend the contrasting textures and flavours.  The spattering of scallions added a bit of colour and and freshness.

Toad in the Hole $15
Toad in the Hole $15

Opting for the small charcuterie option for $13, I was treated to 3 house-made meats complete with a few pickles, some mustard and some toasted bread  drenched in olive oil which was absolutely fantastic.  The meats themselves were thinly sliced and cured beautifully. It was a pleasure to eat.

Charcuterie- Half Order $13
Charcuterie- Half Order $13

Maybe

Although a little skimpy on the condiments, the steak tartare was delicious. Half a quail egg and a few jalapenos were nothing more than decorations.  The chips were alright but weren’t the tastiest vehicle for scooping the tender meat.

Steak Tartare $14
Steak Tartare $14

Why do I order deviled eggs in a restaurant?  They were tasty enough  but not worth 6 buck and shuck oysters (see picture above…with the charcuterie).

The Budino dessert and olive oil cake were  reasonably priced at $7 and a good example of Rob Rossi’s Italian heritage although they did not elevate to the level of Lutheran grace.   The ice cream was splendid, an apparent reflection of a new machine just installed in the kitchen.

Budino and Olive Oil Cake ($7)
Budino and Olive Oil Cake ($7 each)

Mundane

On this particular night, the feature was flank steak for $28. I envisioned a slice of a magical beast taken from the locker adorning the centre of the restaurant.  Instead I received a few overcooked slices of tough, overdone meat served on a rather bland puree. Even the presentation was rather lame. It looked a bit like leftovers.

Flank Steak $28
Flank Steak $28

Given it wasn’t a really busy night, the service was rather slow.  The wine list is set up by offering $45, $65 and $85 bottles.  I opted for a mediocre Pigeoulet Provence at the middle price.  The waiter did not seem overly concerned that I didn’t enjoy it, assuring me it was “the type of grape”.

My Take

Bestellen is a German named pseudo-steakhouse  run by an Italian on the edge of Little Italy. It’s atypically large compared to other eateries in the area, so one can argue it lacks a bit of coziness, especially if it’s not busy.  It has a bistro feel in the front, with tall, wooden tables and a window view.  Toward the back is an open kitchen with long, communal seating for larger parties.  The above mentioned meat locker divides the two concepts.

At the time, the menu offered a spattering of cultures but since, the menu has evolved and now seems to offer at whole lot of Italy,  minus the ubiquitous pizza and pasta peppering the rest of College street.  The toad in the hole and deviled eggs has disappeared, leaving  polenta, octopus and fritto misto on the forefront.   A little over a year ago, the Globe and Mail review referred to Bestellen as a steak house.  Yes, you can get a $100 steak with all the fixings but the daily cut was disappointing. It’s a bit of a tease that you’re 15 feet away from tenderloins, porterhouses and skirt steaks but have no access to most of the choices on a nightly basis.

I can sum up Bestellen with one word…awkward. Traveling  to the suburbs of Little Italy for buck a shuck oysters but questionable service and suboptimal steak leaves me undecided.  Maybe delving into a suckling pig or indulging on a  full charcuterie plate would make me feel better. As far as recommendations for my colleagues…I suggested the following advice by Buddy Black and Leroy Van Dyke:

Forty-five dollar bidja now, fifty dollar fifty wouldja make it fifty biddle
Onna fifty dolla fifty dolla. Wouldja gimme fifty, wouldja gimme fifty dolla
Bill? I gotta fifty dolla bidja now, five, wouldja biddle onna fifty-five,
Biddle onna fifty-five, fifty-five. Who’s gonna bitta the fifty five dollar
Bill?

-The Auctioneer (1956)

Bestellen on Urbanspoon

Review:Toronto:Parkdale:Electric Mud BBQ

Spin-offs can be a dangerous thing.  Just asked the legendary Jackee who couldn’t even find success in a pilot on the heels of the late 80s comedy 227.  Richard Grieco may agree, given his to attempt to leap from 21 Jump Street to Booker and falling flat on his face.  Electric Mud BBQ is a newish eatery cut from the cloth of the highly successful Grand Electric.  The theme seems to be an attempt to capture the vibe of its Parkdale  brother through its own twist on loud music (in this cases old school blues), trendy snack foods and of course a cash only policy.

The decor is as unique as Grand Electric’s and although not as big  or elaborate (which isn’t saying much), there is an open kitchen and seating at both the bar and tables of different shapes and sizes.

Most importantly, the menu is a spin on soul food, with offerings which include  fried chicken, slaw, ribs and shrimp ‘n grits. It was in line  with the Otis Redding spinning on the turntable  as I grabbed a seat at the bar.  Like Grand Electric, there is a mix of current and cool cocktails and well as 4 regional  microbrews on tap. I opted for pints of a good IPA.

Must

I’ve often said you can’t go wrong with a fried egg on everything, which lead me to order the crispy pig ear salad.  The egg was perfect and sat atop a delicate matrix of delicious pork cracking. The seasoning was reminiscent of the spicy squid at Grand Electric. It’s a unique, mind-blowing  flavour that keeps me up at night as I lay flipping through  channels and watching reruns of Baywatch Nights.

Pig Ear Salad with Fried Egg
Pig Ear Salad with Fried Egg ($6.50)

Fried chicken has often been called a simple dish that’s complicated to perfect.  The need for a well seasoned, cripsy coating which protects the juicy integrity of the chicken it houses involves culinary wizardry, a magic much more impressive that the minds that thought that a Ducks of Hazzard  spinoff starring Enos would be a good idea.   The chicken (2 legs and 2 thighs for $8.50) hit the mark (unlike Enos’ aim) on every level.  It was crispy and juicy and seasoned wonderfully.  It was served with reserve Tabasco sauce and a side of honey laden with Malden salt  although the chicken really didn’t need either. Even the pickled vegetables were a nice touch.

Fried Chicken ($8.50)
Fried Chicken ($8.50)

The slaw was fresh and acidic and complemented the chicken well.  It was a decent serving for $3.50 and would go well with any of the rich dishes on the menu. Let’s call it the Frasier of food; it made Cheers better but also fared nicely on its own.

Bad Picture of Good Slaw ($3.50)
Bad Picture of Good Slaw ($3.50)

Maybe

There is an inherent danger in putting pie in a mason jar, much like an attempt to make Joey Tribbiani the main character in a sitcom.   Electric’s banana cream pie ($5)  wasn’t a pie; it was more a parfait with layers and loose graham crumbs on the bottom as opposed to a defined crust. It was a nice few bites but like Joey, was sweet and a bit confused.

Banana Cream Pie ($5)
Banana Cream Pie ($5)…bad pic

Mundane

With Grand Electric’s pozole (aka dope soup) on my mind, I ordered the crack bread fully expecting the same mind-altering experience.  Instead, I was left feeling like I did when Howard Hesseman left “Head of the Class” and was replaced by Billy MacGregor…hopeless anticipation.  Even with the elixir of pork drippings and butter as a spread, finishing it would have been like trying to endure a season of “Billy”. Instead of three’s company, in this case the trio of  hardish buns reminded me of more three’s a crowd.

"Crack" Bread $3
“Crack” Bread $3.50

My Take 

The emergence of Grand Electric last year brought “Happy Days” to hipsters and foodies searching for cheapish, snack foods in the midst of a good vibe. For the same reason, Electric Mud BBQ is emerging as a successful spinoff, highlighting soul food as opposed to nouveau Mexican.  Unique cocktails, good draught, great food and old school blues will leave people feeling a vibe more like  Mork and Mindy and less like Joanie loves Chachi.*

*It makes me wonder if, in fact, if Arnold’s Diner had a couple of spinoffs, would they be called Pork and Mindy and Joanie loves Sriracha?

Electric Mud BBQ on Urbanspoon

Review:Toronto:Leslieville:Lady Marmalade

Hey hipster, go hipster, soul hipster, go hipster
Hey hipster, go hipster, soul hipster, go hipster

He went Marmalade down in old Leslieville
Struttin’ his stuff on the street
She said, “Hello, gimme some  Joe
And maybe an order of french toast”

Mmm, fruity fruity ya ya da da
Coulis coulis  ya ya here
Mocha latte  ya ya
Here at  Lady Marmalade

Voulez-vous manger avec moi, ce soir?
Voulez-vous manger avec moi?

He savored his coffee whch she freshed up
Cuz he couldn’t get a beer or wine.
On the formica table tops where
He started to eat.

Tofu tofu ya ya da da
Lots of veggies options here
All day breakfast ya ya
Here at  Lady Marmalade

Voulez-vous manger avec moi, ce soir?
Voulez-vous manger avec moi?

Seeing the hollandiase sauce silky smooth
Along with a cafe au lait
One bite of the eggs bennie inside
Makes you wanna cry, “More, more, more”

It’s only open from 8 to 4
And 8 to 3 weekends (and holidays)
But when he sits down to eat
He wants to order more, more, more

Mexi mexi ya ya  da da da
Tortita-gordita ya ya here
Six dollar smoothies ya ya
at the trendy Lady Marmalade.

Voulez-vous manger avec moi, ce soir?
Voulez-vous manger avec moi?
Voulez-vous manger avec moi, ce soir?
Voulez-vous manger avec moi?

Annoying annoying  ya ya da da da
Cash only ya ya here
No reservations either ya ya
Here at Lady Marmalade

Tomato and Basil Eggs Bennie with Potatoes and Salad
Tomato and Basil Eggs Bennie with Potatoes and Salad
Tortita-Gordita Dandwich with Soup
Tortita-Gordita sandwich with Soup

Translation

Pros– One of the best eggs bennie going. I think the hollandaise  sauce has nicotine or something addictive in it because on occasion  i wake up wanting it injected in my veins.  Great menu with lots of veggie options. Food is fresh and environment is buzzy and fun.

Cons– Cash only and no reservations and the whole party has to be there seat policy. Blah, blah, blah. Ugly walls. Hardy Boys (I was partial to Nancy Drew).

Lady Marmalade on Urbanspoon