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Bang Bang Ice Cream: The New Hipster Apocolypse Serving Up Soft Porn Instead of Soft Serve

September 12, 2015September 13, 2015 spennyrdLeave a comment

As I’ve stated before, the hipster movement is a bit like the Walking Dead. At first you’d see the odd zombie roaming around and next you know you have an apocalypse on your hands. Part of this mass transformation has meant the expansion of foodstuffs which have undergone hipster domination. It started with coffee shops and quickly progressed to tacos and burgers. They have laid claim to kale and cauiflower. I think what I find most disturbing, however, is their latest attempt at beatnik tyranny; ice cream. No, the centrefold of the Toronto Life a few months did not show Norm Kelly and Drake in a Yonge 6 Gods gangster embrace but instead summarized a number of ice cream cones available across the city. It was at this point I knew that the hipster infection had spread into the medium of one of any person’s fondest childhood memories. The ritual of popping down to a parlour with the fam and watching a disgruntled 16 year old serve my mom tiger tail for the 15th time (I swear she was only person in Sudbury who ate it) while I stood indecisive until a got a good kick in the arse was in jeopardy. I should have seen it coming. It does, after all, involve long lines and serving food out a crawl space which are both predictors of a hipster breeding ground. It also allows for a more justified use of the cash only policy and certainly would never require a reservation. Plus, you also don’t have open in the mornings.

I was in the Ossington area and decided to pop in to Bang Bang. It was a Wednesday night around 7:30 pm so the line wasn’t too bad. Predictably, it looked like a garage. The line swung around to a counter housing 4 or 5 types of cookies which seemed to be the most popular vessel for the twenty or so flavours of ice cream which were displayed on shelves in a David’s tea store. Against the far wall is a iron which feverishly works to pump out thin Hong Kong waffles which are subsequently folded into cones and stuffed with ice cream.

I wasn’t surprised to see an array of clientele waiting. In particular, a hipster dad had his hipster kids with him. Since the line moves at a snail’s pace despite their “one sample only” policy, they have a screen on the wall projecting some sort of video. In this case, it was some cartoon I didn’t recognize but I thought it would keep the kids occupied for the long haul through the ice cream line. It looked pretty benign until things got heated. For whatever reason a woman was suddenly naked in the middle of a forest and was greeted by a near naked and very built man. Soon, enough, he had his large hands nicely positioned on her rather voluptuous ass and soft core animated sex followed. Daddy hipster was shocked and quickly put his hands over the eyes of his baby hipsters and looked around feverishly hoping that he didn’t have friends or families in the vicinity to witness such an atrocity. I was going to joke with him and tell him that it was part of the Ontario government’s new sex ed curriculum but I figure that might resulted in a good shin kick or having my hair pulled really hard.

There are many choices including scoops (even an adult snack size for those who normally go for the kiddy cone), the aforementioned cookie sandwiches and Hong Kong waffles as well as macaron sandwiches and ice cream puffs. When I finally got to the front of the line, I decided on banana ice cream in the waffle cone for $8. I was told that because of the Hong Kong I could have 2 flavours instead of one so I also ordered Froot Loop as well. Since they are “made to order” there was some wait time involved. It reminded me of the countless number of Hampton Inn buffets I’ve been to in which the wait for the waffle iron could go into the early afternoon. It didn’t help when the guy behind the counter looked like he was having more trouble with the waffle iron than I would trying to assemble an IKEA desk. I finally got the cone and the waffle was still warm which was a nice contrast to the ice cream. I’ve made banana ice cream at home and Bang Bang’s was almost the same. It had a rich custard base and the bananas were quite ripe tasting. There’s that magic moment when you first combine froot loops and milk. Not only is the milk still super cold but the flavours of the cereal haven’t yet combined meaning you get two distinct tastes before they become uniform. The ice cream recreated that magic moment. Despite the warm waffle, the ice cream did not melt at too rapid rate and it wasn’t overly messy but there was no way I could finish it all.

Hong Kong Waffle with Banana and Froot Loop Ice Cream

My Take

Bang Bang Ice cream adds hipster to the old ice cream parlor. Instead of a “Hi!” from Bill behind the counter at the family owned ice cream joint, you get to stand in line in a garage for a long time, watch porn and surround yourself with hipster angst not often associated with this classic summer dessert. At least they take credit cards. In the end, if you can get over the slow service and prefer soft porn over soft serve (I was wondering why they called it Bang Bang) then drop on by. Good thing they have takeout pints because you might wanna leave the kids at home.

The Good Son: Macaulay Culkin Nightmares and Memories of Norman Rockwell

September 7, 2015September 14, 2015 spennyrdLeave a comment

I have keen to go to the Good Son since it opened. It’s on the fringes of the Ossington strip which means by geographical location they are mandated to incorporate some of the hipster doctrine into their existence ( in other words “embracing the local Queen street culture” as stated on their website). Good Son is a project of Vittorio Colacitti who gained national attention for his appearance on Top Chef Canada 4. His also has a biography page which, designed a bit like a dating site, outlines his many culinary achievements as well as telling us he is a rooster according to the Chinese Zodiac.

The restaurant’s website presents Good Son as a surrogate for an old time family experience. The landing page depicts three generations of a family sitting around the table for dinner which brings back my own family members for very different reasons. Since my family resembles the Lamberts from Jonathan Franzen’s “The Corrections” more than the Cleavers, I think my mom disguised this dysfunction by hanging Norman Rockwell pictures all over the wall to create the illusion that we all sat down and ate mashed potatoes together. Mr. Rockwell was a 20th century American painter who best described his own art by saying “without thinking too much about it in specific terms, I was showing the America I knew and observed to others who might not have noticed”. Quite often this involved very normal families in very normal situations which was a far cry from my life. The closest I got to a Rockwell painting were the shards of glass in the back of my neck after a sibling spat. My sister narrowly missed hitting me in the head with a stuffed animal and smashing the glass in the frame of “The Doctor and the Doll” painting instead. I don’t think he ever painted that.

Norman Rockwell's Doctor and the Doll — Norman Rockwell’s Doctor and the Doll

The name of the restaurant itself also stirs up a few memories. Macaulay Culkin took the world by storm as the cute kid in “Home Alone”. He further stole the hearts of America by starring in the tearjerker “My Girl” followed by a Home Alone sequel. Things went downhill from there. Perhaps in a effort to expand his acting range, he teamed up with Elijah Wood (who at the age of 12 had the same impish look as he does now) in “The Good Son”, a so called psychological thriller which currently sits at 24% on rotten tomatoes. Culkin plays a disturbed child who some would argue was a foreshadowing of some of his woes to come. Wood, on the other hand, went on to fight spiders, orcs and other middle earth creatures to great fanfare in Lord of the Rings. In the end, I couldn’t help thinking that the creepy looking kid at the table on the Good Son’s homepage would eventually take the Macaulay versus Wood path and would likely ponder a “skating accident” as a fate for some loved ones a couple of years down the road.

good son — Life Before Hobbits and Michael Jackson

Despite this irrational fear of the website, I was keen to go because of the fanfare over the food and drink menu. I got to experience the latter at a Lucky Rice event I attended a few weeks before. I remember the well dressed bartenders slinging gin filled concoctions garnished with things like pickled dragon fruit and other foodie furbelows. I took a seat at the bar and scanned the cocktail menu. I have no idea who Tony is but I went with “That Thing for Tony” which featured gin, citrus fruit, Campari and some fresh basil. My issue is always the fact that a gin and fruit drink shows up looking like something Mary Poppins would make. This drink didn’t have the umbrella but did rock the orange slice which served as a vessel to hold up the straw and combined with the pink was a bit of a kick in the nuts. Nonetheless, gin and campari is always a great combination and a whole lot of fresh basil added a garden vibrancy.

Have you met Tony? — That Thing for Tony $13

I started with the sweet pea tortellini ($18) and it didn’t disappoint. The pasta was as tender as the peas themselves and stuffed with a tasty filling which paid homage to this great summer legume. The tortellini sat atop a sauce laced with citrus and butter flavours and was finished with some grated cheese. At first the portion size looked a little dainty but it was deceptively filling. Overall, it was a smart and suave dish which honoured fresh and available ingredients.

Pea Tortilllini $18 — Pea Tortellini $18

At this point I needed another drink and since they take as much pride in their bar program as they do their food, I challenged the barkeep to do some alcoholic improv. He gladly accepted the challenge and began the alchemy. After a pinch of this and a dash of that he tasted, adjusted and presented his take on a basil smash while profusely apologizing for the brownish appearance but he promised it would taste good. I wasn’t at all offended and in my head quickly named the drink “Look at my Divot” to reflect the fact it looked like busted up sod after a pathetic attempt with my five iron. That said, it was a little more manly than drinking through a straw wedged in an orange slice.

“Basil Smash” or “Look at that Divot” $14

For the main, the barkeep suggested the bulgogi short ribs served with kim chee fried rice and a quail egg ($18). Unlike the smallish pasta portion, this dish was huge. Although the ribs were a little tough, they were flavourful. The rice was equally tasty but a little greasy. I loved the chucks of kimchi (or kim chee). The quail egg was cooked perfectly..I just wish there was more of it. Both the hot and the garlic sauce smeared on the plate were fantastic and removed any monotony of repeated bites of meat and rice. I also liked the abundance of the scallions on the dish from both a taste and appearance perspective. All in all, a very satisfying (and large) dish in which I could only finish about a third.

My Take

The Good Son succeeds in offering high quality food and drink in a fashionable environment. Given the creepy family on landing page, horror movie buffs may fear that many of the plates hanging on the wall may become projectiles in a poltergeist rage. In fact, I credit the web designers whose family dinner masterly predicted the movie “The Visit” in which old people finally become the homicidal leads as opposed to the first victims in most other horror movies (just ask Mrs. Deagle in the Gremlins). It is welcoming with a partially open kitchen and a very visible prep area. As described on the site, the Good Son’s menu is “a reflection of the melting pot of cultures that has gentrified the Queen West neighbourhood in Toronto”. I agree….I had a little Korean, a little Italian and a little hipster. One of the questions I always ask myself after a dining experience is “Would I come back?”. I think this place has one of the most intriguing menus in the city and I felt I only scratched the surface meaning I’d definitely come back in a second to try something like the steak tartare (which I have heard is incredible), jerk shrimp or the burger. In the end, it’s much better than a Macaulay Culkin movie and as inviting as a Norman Rockwell painting not to mention it’s oddly dreamy that Vittorio’s Chinese astrological sign is compatible with an ox.

Looking for Gizmo at Porh Pawh’s Bakery and Cafe

August 29, 2015September 4, 2015 spennyrdLeave a comment

Once in a while I pass a place and just feel the need to drop in out of nothing more than curiosity. After breakfast, I was walking down Adelaide and saw Porh Pawh’s etched on a window covered with frosted glass. The name could suggest a spa or even a “spa”. It might also be a good name for a dog groomer (bring your dog’s Porh Pawh’s to us and we will make them feel better). The only real indication that something is inside is a small sandwich board on the sidewalk. What’s more confusing is when you look at the entrance there are pictures of retail listings listed beside the front door leading one to believe they may be buying a duplex as opposed to a salad.

I ventured inside. It looks very regular, like any building entrance, until you get around the corner. At this point you see a small. modest counter. Suddenly a small Chinese woman appears with a cloth around her head as she bustles around the kitchen preparing lunch. It reminded me of the scene from Gremlins when Billy’s father walks into the shop to find a unique gift and eventually leaves with a Mogwai.

The woman quickly came to the counter as I was staring at the menu which consisted of standard breakfast and lunch items mixed with Asian influenced salads. In front of me were baked goods in containers that looked like they were about to be carted off to a school bake sale. Since I just ate I was more interested in grabbing something for the road as opposed to a full lunch. I asked about the bake sale containers and I was told they were shortbread cookies, date squares and rice krispy treats. Further explanation informed me that her main intention is to try and make these goods as healthy and possible and I got a very detailed explanation of each. For example, the addition of oats and milled flax seed to the shortbread adds fibre and counters the absorption of the butter while the hidden chocolate centre enhances the flavour without the need for additional fat and sugar. In addition, the marshmallow component of the rice krispy square is minimized and replaced with cranberries and sesame seeds as healthier and alternate flavours.

Date Square $2.75 and Shortbread Cookie $1.85

I was compelled and ordered all three as well as a coffee which was fair trade, organic and made with the rarely used Aeropress method and served with a biodegradable lid and cup. It was a decent cup of coffee although it can’t replace a good, more traditional Amerciano. As I waited another patron came in and she greeted him by name and asked if he had a minute to talk after she was done. He grabbed a date square and said sure. I love shit like this and only imagined the conversation that would ensue.

As for the baked goods, I was honestly shocked. I’m not suggesting for a second that this is health food but it is certainly better than anything Starbucks will ever offer. It was unique and much fresher than the mass produced Starbucks garbage. The combinations of flavours in all three were almost bang on to their less wholesome alternatives. The sesame in the rice krispy square was brilliant as was the chocolate in the shortbread and the walnuts in the date square. She also gave me a sample of a gluten free muffin she was “testing”. She makes batches, freezes them and then periodically tastes them to assess their integrity over time. I think it was lemon poppyseed and was tasty although it still had that obviously gluten-free texture.

My Take

I love a good coffee shop/cafe and Toronto has no shortage of them. They are, however, usually overrun by hipsters and serve the same old cookies and squares as everywhere else. Stumbling into the almost hidden Porh Pawh’s was like walking into Mr. Wing’s mysterious shop in Gremlins. The soup was boiling, the goods were displayed and conversation was a bit like a high school chemistry class. The experience and the goods were as magical as Gizmo himself so I made a note to come back for lunch sometime soon and reminded myself that it might not be a good idea to get anything wet or eat the date squares after midnight.

Meni Midi Meh

July 18, 2015July 18, 2015 spennyrdLeave a comment

I had a business lunch in the Mount Sinai hospital area, so I needed a place close by. I have walked past Midi back numerous times and figured it would a good time to give it a try. I showed up from my reservation and was handed the $18 summerlicious menu which offered the standard starter, entree and dessert. It was the only menu available but I wasn’t super upset since most of the regular items (most of which were French inspired) were also featured.

It has a small interior that is quite modest and rather worn down. It doesn’t hold a whole lot of people and it was manned by one waiter who also seemed to be responsible for ordering the restaurant’s food supply as well.

I started with the soup of the day which was split pea. It was a decent consistency but was rather starchy and slightly underseasoned. The fish special was a seared tuna served with a mango salsa and frites. The tuna was cooked rare as requested but was horribly underseasoned. The salsa was a mess…overly sweet with no contrast whatsoever. The fries were marginally warm. Dessert was a vanilla cardamon creme brulee which I was pretty excited about given my love for that spice in a dessert. The flavour was there but the consistency of the creme brulee was a little clumpy.

My Take

Lunch at Midi was like a trip back in time. The worn, unwelcoming decor matched the equally outdated food. All three components of the $18 summerlicious menu were mediocre at best. In stark contrast to Caesar’s triumphant Veni, Vidi, Vici war cry, foodies flocking here would likely wimper Meni, Midi, Meh.

Notching my Bedpost with Uncle Tetsu while Cursing a Budding Witch

July 4, 2015July 4, 2015 spennyrd2 Comments

I woke up early while in Toronto so I decided to take a quick jog over to Uncle Tetsu’s to try and secure an elusive cheesecake. Every time I have strolled by, regardless of time of day, there have been no fewer than 20 people in line. So I was pleased to show up to see a mere 5 people out the door.

I was in absolutely no hurry so I decided to kill the time by engaging in some good old fashioned people watching. Apparently a few others were in more of a hurry than I was. One woman stormed in with some magic ticket stating it should put her to the front of the line. They quickly dismissed her and she wandered out and decided her place in line was right in front of me. I typically don’t sweat the small stuff so I mumbled something under my breathe and life went on.

Meanwhile, the employees were busy in a very methodical baking process. On one side was the careful measuring of the flour and ridiculous amount of butter for the Madeline (honey) cakes. On the other side a team of four or five carefully constructed the signature cheesecakes. In a way I felt like I was at a zoo. Patrons were pressing their noses against the plexiglass hoping to get a better look at the mixing bowl. Other were snapping pictures of the branding of the cheesecake like it was the hatching of a peregrine falcon. The purchasing process is a bit like Seinfeld’s soup nazi. You approach the cash, state your order, pay, get your product and leave. It is cash only and there is a limit of 4 madeleines and 1 cheesecake which almost everybody orders and comes to $17.55.

As a batch was released I did the math and realized I was going to miss it by one cake. Part of it was the miserable b*@^h who decided her place in line was in front of me (who I subsequently wished bad karma upon via a facebook post). The other reason was the number of people bringing their slumber-eyed two year old kids as customers. So a family of four can walk in holding their kids up like Kevin Kline in “Weekend at Bernie’s” and walk out with a quartet of cakes. In the end, despite my early optimism, I had to wait 20 minutes for the next batch which means in the end I ended up waiting nearly an hour.

The madeleines were quickly consumed by my kids. I managed to get a bite or two and concluded they were quite average. The cheesecake was part of a lunch at my dad’s and came with great anticipation. If anything it was surprising. The fluffy texture was in between a flan and a cheesecake and taste wise had hints of both. There was nothing wrong with it but I guess Uncle Tetsu doesn’t see the need for ridiculous North American additions such as fruit or some kind of a crust.

Madeline $2.22 each or 4 for $7.55 taxes in

My Take

I have been known to partake in ridiculousness when it comes to food and this is no exception. The phenomenon of waiting an hour in line for a cheesecake while surrounded by people who take pictures like it’s Niagara Falls is near the top of the list. I wasn’t expecting a miracle in a box and I didn’t get one either with the madeleines or the cheesecake. What I got was a tattooed piece of Japanese folklore which allowed me to carve another notch in my bedpost of culinary conquests within the GTA. It also reaffirmed my Taurean tendency to hold a grudge because I sure as hell hope she dropped her cheesecake on the way to her car, broom or whatever mode of transportation she arrived with.

King Street 2.0: Barhop

June 21, 2015June 21, 2015 spennyrdLeave a comment

I’ve realized that I have done a number of second visits to restaurants along King street so far this year. Since it has been some time since I’ve been to or reviewed these places, I figured it would be prudent to update my experiences. Let’s start with Barhop.

Both the staff and many of the patrons at Barhop are what I refer to as “hopsters”. Hopsters fall under the same genus as hipsters but they differ in order in that their angst is geared toward those who don’t appreciate the fine art of brewing. My first experience with hopsters was almost 20 years ago at C’est What?, a brewpub on Front Street. I remember watching people come in and order a Canadian or a Blue only to be scoffed at by the staff followed by a stern lecture pointing out that you can’t order a macrobrew here. At the time, I thought it was quiet humourous and chuckled under my breath at the unsuspecting fools.

Barhop has carried on the hopster tradition but has adapted it to 2015. Even with a decent knowledge of beer, there is no guarantee you will receive prompt and/or courteous service. I dropped in one night only to sit there for 10 minutes without so much as an acknowledgment so I left. I returned a second time and it was equally as busy but this time I got a rail seat and at least an offer of a drink. It goes without saying that the beer selection is amazing. Most of the draft choices are local brews including side launch, KLB, Amsterdam, Indie Ale House, Sawdust city etc. They also have a few of their own branded pints including a very good nitro ESB. They also have rare brews, table bottles and all sorts of other delights.

From a food perspective, the menu is exactly what you would expect; bar food with a gastropub twist. I only had a few snacks since I was grabbing dinner later. These pictures are brutal but I wanted to minimize the use of the flash so as not to disturb the hopsters as they began their nocturnal ritual. The olives and marinated cheese ($13) were served with grilled bread. I thought the cheese was a clever dish and a bit of a deviation from the normal cheese plates served in the area. The homemade jerky ($9) was served with a bourbon bacon jam. I must say this the first time I’ve ever eaten jerky with jam. I won’t say there was synergy in the combined flavours but I think the jam made the jerky, which was quite dry (as is meant to be) a little easier to chew. The fried pickles served with ranch ($9) hit the mark and were comparable to other places from both a taste and price perspective.

Dill Breaded Pickles with Buttermilk Ranch $9

My Take

The original microbrew movement was somewhat quashed by the realization of international conglomerates that microbrews posed a threat to their bottom line. This resulted in the purchase and/or suppression of many a fine beer. Creemore, for example, was purchased by Molson (who is owned by Coors’) in 2005 and to this day has been disguised as a microbrewery. Both Alexander Keith’s and Rickard’s stay at arms length from their owners (Anheuser-Busch and Molson Coors Brewing respectively) and promote family values, tradition and other moral lessons.

Luckily, this decade has seen a return to the art of authentic craft brewing. Barhop was one of the first restaurants to jump on the resurgence of the true microbrewery movement in Ontario. With it comes the hopster attitude and a menu which tries to match the needs of their beer swilling patrons. It’s crowded, they don’t take reservations and the service can be inconsistent but if you want a good pint in the entertainment district, this is your best bet….just don’t order a bud.

McRamyun (or Ramyun?) : There’s a Good Chance Ronald Showed up with a Louisville Slugger

June 14, 2015June 14, 2015 spennyrdLeave a comment

I was on a lunch break recently and decided to check out Baldwin village for lunch. Although I was still lamenting the closure of Yakitori Bar (i still swear they had some of the best soup going), I was intrigued to try McRamyun, the new ramen bar that occupied the space.

I knew little of the place when I walked in but appreciated the fact that a ramen bar exists which doesn’t involve the hot, tight quarters that exist with similar eateries elsewhere in the city. It has maintained the interior of Yakitori bar complete with a large bar and spacious tables.

At first glance it was clear the menu offers one of the largest variety of ramen (almost 20) in the city. In addition, you can choose your own adventure by adding your choice of toppings unlike other places tend to dictate the condiments of each bowl. Usually I order dumplings and soup as a benchmark in ramen joints, so i killed two birds with one stone and ordered the mandu ramen which offered the dumplings right in the soup. As I was waiting, I went to the washroom located in the old Odd Seoul space next door. That’s when I made afrightening discovery. The room was filled with skids of packaged ramen noodles. I felt like I was in a university dorm room. When I returned to the table (the washrooms were quite nice by the way) the soup arrived. The broth was thin and spicy and the noodles originated from one of the packages in the back room. The mandu were deep fried prior to being thrown in the soup which I found odd from a texture perspective. They did not have remarkable flavour. The broth lacked the complexity of other places and was seasoned primarily by salt and heat. The egg (available for an additional $0.50 per half..I got a whole egg) was cooked nicely and was the best part of the dish. They forgot the slices of pork belly I ordered so I can’t comment. It would have been and extra $2.49 which would have made the total price of the ramen bowl a staggering $12.50, a price which would make David Chang shake his head.

Mandu Ramyun $8.95 plus $1.00 for egg (pork belly missing)

My Take

Burgers and ramen are probably the two hottest trends in the Toronto right now. The burgers range from patties smashed on the flattop to those stuffed with short rib and are price accordingly. Until now, most ramen has been prepared according to traditional recipes complete with homemade noodles and thick pork broth which has simmered for hours. Sure, I’ve made all kinds of ramen; from following an old school recipe to cracking open a dried package after a drunken night out in university but I never thought I’d see the latter served in a restaurant.

Then it made sense. I should have clued in that the name McRamyun said it all. This was fast food…the McDonald’s version of ramen. What confused me, however, was the fact that prices were not much lower that traditional ramen. I mean a quarter pounder isn’t $20, right?

I looked at the table tent on the table, saw the following sign and laughed. How do they get away with this?

A Sapporo pitcher and McChicken wings for $24.95? McChicken? The signage outside, the menu, the packaged food..everything made me think that at any minute Ronald McDonald would show up with a Louisville Slugger ready to kick ass and take names later. Interestingly enough, there was a profile picture update on the restaurant’s webpage two weeks ago which displayed their new logo which simply said Ramyun. I wondering if that change was proactive of may have had something to do with a few broken windows and a pissed off clown.

Pai, Pai, Toronto’s Northern Thai…I ordered Farang Spicy Heat and I Didn’t Cry

May 24, 2015August 14, 2015 spennyrdLeave a comment

A short, short time ago
I can still remember how good thai used to make me smile
And I knew if I gave pai a chance
That I could make my tastebuds dance
And maybe I’d be happy for a while

The waitstaff made me shiver
With every dish that they’d deliver
After all the food they schlepped
I couldn’t take one more step

I sure remember all I tried
Whether it was a main or a side,
It seemed the yelp ratings didn’t lie
The day I went to Pai.

Pai, Pai, Toronto’s Northern Thai
Drove my Jetta to find parking but the rates were so high
And them good ole boys were serving two beers that were Thai
The pogues sung Singha beer don’t tell no lies,
That Singha beer don’t tell no lies.

Let me tell you what I did love
The level of spice mentioned above
And the menu told me so!
Now do you believe in good spring rolls?
With a dipping sauce served in a small bowl.
And with a heat that tends to kick in real slow?

Well, I know I’m in love with Tom Yum
Specially when it makes your tongue numb.
The flavours really fused
Man, I dig those good soups and stews

There’s a green curry filled with lots of stuff,
And it’s cleverly served in a coconut
All for the price of 16 bucks
The signature dish of Pai

Now for eighteen bucks you can own
A shrimp platter that I can’t condone.
The caesar’s not how I thought i’d be
It was mucky as opposed to light and clean
And the shrimp was rather plain cuisine
although others may disagree

And while the Caesar was going down
I ordered Thai’s culinary crown
It was pad thai I yearned
a good verdict was returned

With flavours complex instead of stark
The sausage really hit the mark
With sauce that deserves good remarks
The day I went to Pai

Sai Ua Platter (think I missed the actual sausages) $14

My Take

For the most part authentic Thai food in Toronto has been served in places decorated with elephants and Buddha statues but Pai has introduced the concept of serving this popular fare in a Duncan street rabbit hole designed for basement dwelling hipsters. It is small, crowded and hectic. The service was efficient but a little scattered and inconsistent at times. They do take bookenda reservations, however, so planning ahead ultimately avoids a lot of headaches. The food lives up to the hype by offering authentic recognizable dishes such as pad thai, tom yum soup and spring rolls as well as other favourites such as green curry and Thai sausage. The rolls (with the kicking dipping sauce), soup and noodles deserve honorable mention but the curry, in particular, was among one of the best I have had. Maybe it was the cute coconut as a vessel but the consummate flavours and tender beef made it the premier dish of the evening. The accompanying sauces such as the Thai relish served with the sausage were delicious. The Thai caesar platter, although an interesting and exciting concept, was disappointing mainly due to the lackluster Caeser mix and boring shrimp sauce. I loved the option of farang (foreigner) spicy which added a great bite while respecting the other flavours such as kaffir lime leaf and lemongrass. Price wise, it’s definitely more expensive than Salad King or most hole in the walls but very much in line with other hipster destinations offering noise and chaos as menu options.

They were serving Thai, Thai, at Toronto’s Pai

I liked the food and bevies and my standards were high
Them good ole rolls and curries were worth the buy
So I’d suggest that you give this place a try.

Bareburger: A Haven for Hipbillys and Hippysters Alike

May 18, 2015May 18, 2015 spennyrdLeave a comment

There was a degree of fanfare with the opening of Bareburger, the small New York based chain which offers organic and healthier options to the slew of greasy options which fill the streets of every town and city in North America. One of those cities is now Toronto, more specifically the intersection of Bay and Dundas.

The theme is hipster meets hippy meets hillbilly. The hipster is the fact that there are usually line-ups at mealtimes and the staff is a mix of lumbersexuals, plastic spectacle wearing stylists and guys with man buns as big as those on the burgers. The hippy is the zen focus on clean eating such as vegetarian and vegan burgers, organic pasture-raised, no hormone meats, non-GMO/pesticide free produce and fair trade purchasing practices to appease the moral consciousness of the anti-capitalists. The hillbilly comes from unique meat choices including duck, wild boar, bison and elk along with the use of recycled barns and wood for the roof and floor respectively no to mention the bear heads (although not real) hanging on the wall.

The drink list offers a select list of microbrews, wines and spirits but what be more unique are the non-alcoholic drinks such as homemade unsweetened ice teas and 10 different sodas including a traditional cola and not so traditional blueberry . I was on the clock so I opted for the white peach ice tea ($3.25) served a glass which looked like a billboard for clean eating. It was quite refreshing.

I started with a jar of spicy pickles which is supposedly a 100 year old family recipe. They had great spice and flavour and were served in the quintessential hillbilly/hispter glassware…the mason jar.

The burgers are the main event but Bareburgers offers other sandwiches and salads as well. You have the choice of building your own or trusting the chefs who have devised 14 different choices using a variety of meat, buns and toppings. I opted for the blue elk ($13.65) which was elk topped with elk, amish blue, back bacon, stout onions and tomato fig jam all served on a sprout bun. The meat was cooked perfectly but the taste was hidden a little by the intense flavour of the jam and the bun. All in all, it was a good burger and clearly unique from most of the others in the area and despite the richness of some of the ingredients, didn’t leave that gross feeling in my stomach despite the side of fries and onion rings ($5.70) which I split with my table mate who also ordered the buttermilk buffalo ($10.90). It was buffalo fried chicken, amish blue, buttermilk ranch, green leaf and a brioche bun. I snuck a piece and was thoroughly impressed.The sauce was not your typical frank’s red. It was much deeper in flavour. The chicken itself was moist and delicious and complemented well with the cheese and sauce. The fries were quite good and the rings were among some of the best I’ve had; crispy and well seasoned versus greasy and salty. Special mention goes to the Sir Kensington’s ketchup available at the table which was much fresher than the Heinz which typically graces the tables of every other burger joint in town.

Blue Elk Burger ($13.85) and Spicy Pickles ($3.85) — Blue Elk Burger ($13.65) and Spicy Pickles ($3.85)

Buttermilk Buffalo ($10.90) and Side Fries/Rings ($5.70)

My Take

What do you call a hillybilly, hipster and hippy all in one? A hillster? Hipbilly? Hiphilly? Hippyster? Regardless, Bareburger would make any combination of the three feel at home. The rustic decor, organic meat choices and man buns would appeal to all of their desires at the same time. I’m not sure if it is the best burger I’ve ever had but it is certainly one of the more unique. The meat was cooked beautifully and the toppings, although a bit overwhelming resulted in one of the more unique burgers I’ve had, probably because it relied on fresh ingredients instead of grease and salt as the primary means of flavour. The chicken sandwich was a step above many (I’d put that shit on everything), especially those which usually play second fiddle in a typical burger joint. The fries held their own (especially with Sir Kensington’s help) and the rings were divine. When all is said and done a burger, fries and drink will run you $20 which can buy you a whole lotta karma, a cocktail at a hipster haven or an official duck commander quack pack duck call so I’ll let you decide.

R&D: Rebel and Demon, Research and Development, Rad and Deficient

May 3, 2015May 10, 2015 spennyrdLeave a comment

In a previous blog, I outlined my Masterchef tryout in some detail. Despite my failure to impress the producers, I watched the show and was happy to see Eric Chong win. I was equally happy to see something tangible come from his win; a new restaurant in the perilous region of Chinatown. R&D is a partnership with the mercurial Alvin Leung, who’s blue hair makes old ladies and smurfs alike quite envious. The restaurant’s concept is one of polarity and contrast. Our bubbly waitress promised flavours which ran the gamut of tastes and flavours with every bite. The name R and D refers to the Rebel and Demon personas of the owners and is a play on the fact they were both engineers before finding their true vocation. Adding to the polarity is Eric’s calm demeanor coupled with the mad science antics of his partner.

I asked the enthusiastic waitress for menu recommendations. She recommended pretty much everything on the menu but in particular raved about he CSB buns. They cook them hourly and getting one might be synonymous with scoring a Black Friday deal. Once out of the oven, the waitstaff wrestle for them in the hope they can secure them for the patrons at their tables. I drank the Kool-aid and insisted that we secure some of this precious loot. Did we manage to get them?????

STAY TUNED

The drink list comprises of Asian inspired potent potables derived from a collection of traditional cocktails. The Whisky sour is splashed with lemongrass, coriander, pepper and yuzu liqueur. The pina colada is served as boozy bubble tea. The 510 ceasar (which I ended up ordering), was made with garlic and mushroom infused vodka and seasoned with hoison Worcestershire sauce. Mushroom flavour was prominent and heat from the chili sauce was a little shy. The drink was topped with Nori which added a pleasant element of unami. All in all, it was a good Caesar but was a little small in volume which probably helped to intensify the aforementioned flavours.

The first dish to arrive was Eric’s Curry. Beef brisket sat in a pool of curry sauce and mustard greens. It was brilliantly unique. A little salt and sweet and a lot of sour and heat made this great to eat (that’s poetry for you left brained science types). At the time, the dish came with no medium to absorb the sauce (a true engineering flaw) which really was shameful considering how good the sauce was. Maybe we can call it an early oversight since it appears based on the website the dish now comes with coconut rice. Probably the best dish of the night.

Next was the octopus which was served with eggplant and choy sum chimichurri. The presentation was a little sad but the octopus was nicely prepared and finished with a decent char. The eggpplant was clever as a replacement to the normal routine of potatoes or olives and the chimichurri was deliciously unorthadox yet had a familiar flavour I couldn’t quite pinpoint but wanted more.

Shortly after we received the Tom Yum Little Dragon buns ($6). I imagine that Thai flavours in a Chinese bun may be considered as engineerial as calling a soup dumpling a dragon bun but in the end they hit the mark on flavour and were a pleasant bite.

I was a little reluctant to try the lobster chow mein ($25) but my colleague talked me into it. Despite a reasonably sized portion of lobster, it was horribly predictable and had no wow factor at all.

The one platter were ordered was the general saunders’ chicken served with kung pao sauce, sichuan maple syrup, and HK egg waffles. The chicken was nicely seasoned and super moist. The kung pao sauce was delicious and I think the maple syrup is probably an acquired taste but I took the advice of the waitress and mixed the two together which created a mixture which satisfied a number of taste sensations. The waffle portion was a little skimpy but complemented the chicken well in their spin of this traditional southern dish.

General Sanders' chicken $25 — General Sanders’ chicken $25

At this point there a bit of a mad scramble around the kitchen which suggested one thing..the buns were ready. Although I was getting rather full, I couldn’t resist the urge to indulge and our waitress, like a trooper, emerged with an order. The pork filling was a bit scant a certainly played second fiddle to the delicious bread. They were delightfully warm and just a little sweet and filled my need for gimmickry nicely.

At this point I was quite stuffed but another colleague showed up and ordered the beef tartare. The spin was the son and law egg with the sauce served on top of the beef. I had mixed feelings about this one, probably beacuse I’m a bit of a traditionalist when it comes to this dish in particular. I think the beef should be the star and thought the sauce, although matching nicely with the egg, masked the flavour of the beef a little too much.

She also ordered the scallop which was served with hot sauce, chinese greens and sichuan hollandaise. It was hard to put my finger on it, but the dish lacked balance. The heat and bitterness was prominent but it lack sweetness. Maybe the thought was that the scallop would provide enough sweetness to offset the flavours of the hollandaise and Chinese greens. The scallop itself was cooked near perfectly other than lacking a good sear (which affected both its colour and what might have been a necessary caramelization). Personally, I would have kicked up the sweetness of the hollandaise or replaced it all together.

My Take

The Asian fusion concept of R&D is certainly a better fit for Spadina than Strata 241 was. It is a well calculated project with all the fixings of a nouveau Toronto eatery; celebrity chefs, old school rap “fusion food”. I was surprised a bit by Eric’s kitchen demeanor. He was extremely stoic and methodical, focusing more at the task at hand than shining in the limelight as Canada’s first masterchef winner. It’s like he was in a 2 hour mystery box challenge. Like the show, there was a combination of great and not so good dishes. The curry was hands down the best dish of the night. The chicken, octopus, buns and tartare were more than acceptable and the lobster chow mein and scallops were a bit of a train wreck. Also like the show, there was gimmickry and hype lead by the promise of extreme flavours with every dish that didn’t always come to fruition. Much like a television show, the success of R&D will depend on loyalists who will continue to go after trying it once for the novelty, Eric’s ongoing commitment and whether or not people will be able to tolerate Alvin Leung for anymore than a season of Masterchef.