Dim Sum is always an adventure. In many ways it’s a sitcom at a table, especially when you have a big crowd. It is the perfect time for an alpha personality to take full control of a situation while one or two wheat belly people stare curmudgeonly at all the food they can’t eat. The combination of white starches and deep-fried morsels with the odd taboo food thrown in makes for a true social experiment.
Yank Sing is one of San Francisco’s most recognizable Dim Sum palaces. With two locations (I went to the Stevenson one), it is often quoted as not being the best Dim Sum in town but certainly is among the most popular.
The Cast:
I booked a table of 10 with the following demographics:
2 Asians- only one of which knew what they were doing. The other is essentially whiter than I am.
1 Shameless Glutton (that would be me)
3 Nurses whose conversation about past clinic experiences was far more awkward than anything which came along on the trolley
2 Pseudo Gluttons who fold to peer pressure like a bad suit but look much better than one doing it.
2 “I don’t eat simple starches but don’t want anybody to know and plus I’m only here for business anyway” people
1 “I’ll be there after my other lunch” followed by “Sorry I didn’t make it man..my other lunch went late” colleague (thus the reason I booked a table for 10 and not 11. Plus, I think zeros are luckier than ones in the Chinese culture).
The Plot
It’s quite simple. The cart comes by and a conversation in Chinese ensues. The three nurses are too busy having a discussion about emergency room wounds or the biggest boil they have ever seen to notice. I sound like Dave Hester yelling “Yeeeeeeep!” every time I’m offered anything from a dumpling to a bun stuffed with some type of protein. The two wheat bellies stare at the vegetables hoping they make the cut while the pseudo gluttons secretly wish the weirdest thing on the tray doesn’t. In the end, there was an array of fare which came to the table. Their famous Shanghai soup dumplings which burst with subtle salt goodness. The potstickers were a tender and classic interpretation of this classic. The deep fried Phoenix tailed shrimp reminded me of why pseudo-Chinese food is permanently ingrained in the grease-loving palates of North Americans. The beans were quickly consumed by token herbivores. There were other tasty morsels passed around the table; some of which seemed to get a bit camera shy during the communal feast.
Various Yank Sing Offerings
Another signature was the Peking duck served with a stuffable bun and some hoisin sauce. Once assembled, it was a pleasant few bites and scoring a couple of them was not a huge feat given the dynamics at the table.
Yank Sing Peking Duck
My Take
Group dinners are usually sitcoms and this one was no exception. I’ll admit that there may be a few exaggerations about the dynamics but it makes for a good story. As for Yank Sing itself, I was a little surprised about how safe the offerings were. I’ve been for Dim Sum in Montreal and Toronto and the choices there are a lot more diverse and even a little risky. This place isn’t cheap either. The bill for the table was $370 which was a little steep for what we got. In the end, Yank Sing is like a tourist attraction; overpriced, a little overrated but fun nonetheless, especially when you go with a cast of characters that’s a cross between the Big Bang Theory and Modern Family.
I took a long cab ride into the Richmond district of San Francisco to have dinner at the Michelin star rated Aziza. It has an unassuming storefront and after you open the curtain inside the front door and enter the restaurant, you are transformed into a Moroccan casbah with a variety of tables and booths scattered throughout. I was there with a large group and they were kind enough to wave the need for a set menu since it was later and night and the kitchen could accommodate. Another thing I was impressed with was the huge cocktail list. Almost two dozen libations were on the menu, each highlighting a fruit, vegetable or herb. It was more difficult choosing my drink that it was my meal. Throughout the night I had three; grapefruit (absinthe, peychaud’s, bourbon), thyme (thyme, cayenne, dry vermouth, blanco tequila) and celery (sage, agave nectar, gin). I can’t say I had a favorite but they were all among some of the better drinks I’ve had this year. They were frightfully addictive and beautifully represented their respective eponym. My colleague ordered the concord grape (concord grape, elderflower, peat smoke, laphroaig scotch). I had a sip and it was memorable, complex and aggressive version of the equally assertive grape.
Unlike other places (including most Michelin star restaurants), the menu is not written in hieroglyphics, Gaelic or some other language that gives food critics erections. I will admit, my ego makes me a little reluctant to ask for clarification around a dish or try and pronounce something which would make my transient menu dyslexia apparent. Instead, Aziza uses terms like olive, short rib, beet and sturgeon to describe their dishes. Having said this, there is no compromise on the creativity of their fare. Take the amuse bouche for example. A trio of dip including hummus, yogurt-dill and piquillo almond were served with flatbread. The dish managed to hit the mouth with some authentic Moroccan flavours while teasing the tongue with hints of Greece and Spain.
Amuse Bouche- Hummus, Yogurt Dill and Paquillo Almond
For an appetizer, I ordered a dish which was simply called cucumber. It had all the components of deconstructed deviled egg. A soft yolked fried duck egg was served with was cucumber two ways; charred and carpaccio style. Spring onions and vadouvan (similar to masala) mustard completed the dish. I must say this is the first time I’ve had charred cucumber and I was surprisingly impressed. As a whole,the dish was a punchy interpretation of the picnic favorite and at $14, I thought it might have been the coveted golden egg.
Cucumber $14
I was pleased to see that the market fish of the evening was John Dory (not to be mistaken with John Tory who may be the man who will finally oust the large and in charge, arrogant, homophobic and obnoxious Rob Ford from the Mayor’s office in October). It’s not the prettiest fish, but it sure is tasty and there are many suggestions of the origin of its name. My favorite is a possible reference to the novel “An Antarctic Mystery” by Jules Verne. “The legendary etymology of this piscatorial designation is Janitore, the ‘door-keeper,’ in allusion to St. Peter, who brought a fish said to be of that species, to Jesus at his command.” (St. Peter is said to be keeper of the gates of Heaven, in Spanish it is known as “gallo” hence “door-keeper”.) So while I was able to feast on a fish rooted in religion, it came with all the sacred symbols of food-a-ism…artichokes, ramps, favas, fiddleheads and raspberries. The tithe was a pricey $29. The fish was delicate and moist and keep the overwhelming earthiness of the condiments at bay. The raspberries added some sweet and sour bite and some ruby red colour to the plate.
Market Fish $29
One of the reasons I chose Aziza was the reputation of multiple James Beard pastry chef nominee Melissa Chou. I chose the Vanilla Semifreddo with apricot sorbet, matcha and almond ($10). The crust was like buttery toffee crack. Don’t get me wrong, the rest of the dish was delicious but that crust will stay in my lingual memory for some time to come.
Semifreddo $10
I ended the meal with a delicious spot of mint tea. Let me point out this was not a stagnant tea bag floating around a warm pot of water. It was a hot, steaming pot of real mint tea which went nicely with dark chocolates served at the end of the meal.
A real cup of mint tea $5
Mignardise- Dark Chocolate
My Take
Moroccan food is a little mysterious. The flavours are a bit African, a bit middle eastern and a bit European. Most of my experience with this type of food has come from a recipe book and my red Le Creuset tagine, so I was excited to experience it in Michelin star style. Although I can’t verify the authenticity of the use of fiddlehead ferns or ramps in Northwest Africa, the dishes were diverse and delicious. The cocktails were creative and nectarous. There was an irony in eating a fish which is also named after one of Jesus’ disciples in a restaurant whose country of inspiration is 99% Muslim. As for dessert, it definitely rocked the casbah. Much like the 1982 song by the Clash with the same name which calmed Middle-Eastern tension (at least according to the video), I think the crust on the semifreddo alone could extend the ceasefire in the Gaza war. Ok, maybe that’s a stretch, but I’m just a believer that a good meal can fix anything.
Like most people, I can get easily irritated. Right now, I’m boycotting Wendy’s because of the ridiculous commercials which spoof 70’s and 80’s tunes while skinny Wendy (aka Red) dresses up like thw singers and makes out with a pretzel bun. When I posted this on facebook, one of my good friends asked me why I would go to Wendy’s anyway. Good point.
Another thing that bugs me are dog shows. Before I go on, I’m not claiming for a second that my complete annoyance by things like this are normal. I think it’s like a phobia; I have a physical reaction to these types of things. The thought of an arena filled with people who pay to watch others dress up like turn of the century debutantes and walk dogs among fake grass turns my stomach. They give the dogs ridiculous names like Roundtown Mercedes of Maryscot (aka: “Sadie”) and make the audience watch as their pooches get dental exams, enemas and other invasive medical procedures. Personally, I’d rather watch a dog chase his tail or stick his nose up another’s ass in a thirty second youtube clip while sitting in my underwear.
Showdogs in San Francisco couldn’t be further from the Westminster Kennel dog show. Suits and ties are replaced by piercings, jeans and tees. Fake grass is replaced with, based on my observations of the some of the staff and clientele, real grass that just might happen to be rolled into a small white paper. Canine conversations are no longer about four-legged friends but about the rest of America’s obesssion…the hotdog. It is estimated that Amercians eat 20 billion hot dogs a year. It is also estimated that there are about 83 million owned dogs in the USA. What isn’t known is how many of the 20 billion hot dogs are eaten by the 83 million dogs in a given year. That said, it makes perfect sense to focus a restaurant on the beloved frank.
The menu at Showdogs is simple. In addition to a small breakfast menu, there are a number of renditions of the American favorite as well as a few classic American sandwiches like the burger and fried chicken. In addition, there are all the words foodies wanna see in a menu including organic, house made,hand dipped and special sauce. My trigger words include “sharp cheddar” and “chili” so I had to try the chili cheese dog ($10). I asked the guy behind the counter what should complement the dog and without hesitation he recommended the onion rings for $5. Along with it, there is a good selection of local brews which, when you drink enough, can almost make a dog show tolerable. In particular , the Hell or High Watermelon from the 21st Amendment brewery was memorable ( I later drank a six-pack with my uncle in Pennsylvania). The food was equally as memorable. I mean, a hot dog and onion rings has boundries regarding creative licence but it still has to be tasty. The think and crunchy onion rings were among the best I’ve had especially when eaten with any of the house made sauces available.
Chili Cheese Dog ($10), onion rings ($5) and a Happy hour $4 pint
My Take
My mom used to boil hot dogs until they split, throw them on a bun and yes, they tasted like lips and assholes. Since then, the hot dog has evolved beyond the ball diamond and street corner cart and have become the focal point of many menus across North America. In fact, a hot dog by Dougie Dog in Vancouver is served topped with Kobe beef and Lobster and soaked in 100 year old Louis XIII cognac has just attained the Guinness nod for the world’s most expensive hot dog with an estimated value of $2300.
World’s Most Expensive Hot Dog $2300
Showdogs has embraced the dog and elevated it to a decent meal. The vibe, service and experience was the complete package in this establishment that definitely qualifies as a dive. S0 while skinny Wendy is making out with a pretzel bun while singing an Eric Carmen ballad and people jam into Madison Square Garden wearing their Sunday best to watch dogs walk their owners, I’d rather grab a pint, listen to Pearl Jam in the background and eat a dog instead of watching them.
Some will argue that being a foodie/hipster is a religion or better yet a cult. Either way, like other theologies, there is a strict doctrine one must follow to gain acceptance by the congregation:
1. Do your best to looks like the guy on the side of the Abercrombie bag. If you cannot achieve the Adonis six-pack, then the clueless look into the distance will suffice.
2. Scoff at the hicks and jersey wearing sports enthusiasts who drink Bud Light to get free Nascar swag or an NHL beer cozy while they drink Pabst Blue Ribbon; a beer just as shitty where they get absolutely nothing.
3. Eat brunch.
Brunch is a rite of passage for the hipster/foodie type. It’s like a baptism into the church of all things pretentious. It also allows one to eat foods you can only get as part of the weekend menu or pay $4-5 bucks for something just deemed breakfast every other day of the week. In addition, it is typically not served before 11 am which applies to John Q. Foodie because they are soooo hungover from all the bourbon they drank the night before. There’s also the fact that having another cocktail designed for the morning hours or a french press coffee is such a much cooler remedy than a couple of advil and a bowl of Cap’n Crunch at home.
I was in San Francisco so attending brunch here would be like attending mass in the Sistine Chapel. So I looked long and hard to find a suitable brunch that met all the criteria but considering the fact it had to be on a Saturday (the orthodox foodie will only attend brunch on Sundays). Luckily, foreign cinema fit the bill. It is highly rated on numerous websites, situated in a “developing” area of San Francisco and boasts menu items like organic pop tarts, oysters and whipped cod brandade.
It was quite a cab ride from the convention centre. We were driven by a rather frivolous cabbie into the heart of the Mission district and were dropped off at the address listed on Google maps. An extra blink and I would have missed it. The front of the restaurant looked as debilitated as the rest of the buildings along the street. The entrance was a long tunnel which ended at a large, open courtyard that was already buzzing with hungry brunch goers. Despite the open concept it was quite loud which made it quite difficult to carry on a conversation. The clergy (servers) seemed preoccupied and slow throughout the meal which I concluded was appropriate given the ceremony.
Of course, I started with the organic pop tart ($6.75 ) and a stiff drink (Persian Bloody Mary $11). Both met at least one criteria for an ideal brunch experience. The overpriced pop tart was flimsy and unimpressive and only surrounded a tiny amount of peach filling. The Bloody Mary was seasoned with aggressive middle eastern flavours but as a Canadian, I’ve never had a Bloody Mary that comes anywhere close to a Caesar.
Peach Poptart $6.75Persian Bloody Mary $11
For my main I opted for the Chile Verde (fried eggs, slow-cooked heritage pork, poblanos, tomatillos, mojo, queso fresco and tortilla ribbons) for $18. Although not the prettiest dish (especially once you began to dismantle it), the flavours blended beautifully. . Each bite, lead by the pork and egg, was a blend of fresh flavours accented with a perfect amount of acid and heat from the vegetables and sauces.
Chile Verde $18
My Take
As mentioned, my visit to foreign cinema was like a baptism into San Francisco foodieism (probably pronounced foo-day-ism). It was a loud but enjoyable ceremony. I managed to visit an” up and coming” area of town, order organic food, drink a breakfast boozy cocktail and pay too much for eggs. I even got somewhat pretentious service to match. However, I am still unclear on the whole movie concept. First, it’s called foreign cinema and plays predominantly American movies. Second, I saw no evidence of the movie at all. I think they play them in the outdoor courtyard which wasn’t offered to me. Maybe that section is reserved for the established foodies and not the ones who think paying seven bucks for a pop tart is an automatic ticket to hipster heaven.
I was excited to drop into Tommy’s Joynt for an afternoon bite. Touted as San Francisco’s original Hofbrau, it has been serving a menu centred on carved meat sandwiches since 1947. They take pride in a no frills attitude and keeping prices low. In fact, the only three menu items over ten bucks are the famous Buffalo Stew, braised oxtails with pasta (served Monday) and braised lamb shanks with vegetables (served Thursday and Sunday). The hunks of meat sitting in the cafeteria style chafing dishes right inside the door while the rest of the place is a seating area complete with a bar serving local craft draught, international bottles and cheapish cocktails. The cast of characters ranged from young to old, regulars to tourists and hipsters to those with with artificial hips. The decor is a reminder that it’s been open for almost 70 years. Hundreds of knick-knacks fill the walls, shelves and any other square inch of available space. It’s like a yard sale on steroids. They’ve never changed their style, they just added to it. It’s like a timeline of post WWII Americana scattered all over the place.
Apparently Tommy’s is “Where Turkey is King” so I strolled to the counter and ordered the roast turkey sandwich for $6 along with a side of mixed pickled beans for $2.65. The guy behind the counter pulled out the bird, carved some meat off the bird and slapped it on a fresh baguette with a side of au jus. As magical as Tommy’s was, they still couldn’t solve the dry poultry issue. You can’t keep a turkey in a chafing dish and expect it to stay moist. That said, the au jus added flavour and moisture to the sandwich. The bean salad was pretty typical. I thought things like the barrel of complimentary pickles (complete with a sign telling you not to abuse the pickle pecking privlegdes) to the strategically placed mustard jars were a nice touch.
Turkey Sandwich $6 with Pickled Bean Salad $2.65
My Take
Tommy’s Joynt is a west coast version of a Hofbrau, a casual German eatery with focus on beer and food. Having no idea who the place is named after, I figured it might be Tommy Chong (of Cheech and Chong fame). Ironically, Cheech is the Californian (Chong is a good old Canadian). I mean, the psychedelic paint job on the outside, the easy access to copious amounts of food, some clientele that look like they have hot boxed a few million times and even the fact it has “joynt’ in the name makes my theory somewhat viable. In fact, after a drag one might relish staring intently at the numerous trinkets which populate the walls and shelves. That said, the food was reasonable, the vibe was good but it just didn’t give me the “high” some of the other Diners, Drive-ins and Dives did.
A visit to San Francisco wouldn’t be complete without a visit to Gary Danko. This top 5 tripadvisor, Michelin star destination and Zagat juggernaut hasn’t wavered despite the cyclic nature of food trends which have hit the bay city over the years so I was excited when I secured a reservation for a Friday evening. I invited a few colleagues to come along.
The cab ride over was led by a conspiracy theorist who, while driving the winding roads of San Francisco, showed us how he protected his ipad from the government with it in one hand while the steering wheel occupied his other. We also got a history lesson of the neighbourhood which surprisingly didn’t include taxi cab fatalities. Thankfully, after a few blocks, we arrived at our destination (probably due to some autopilot device monitoring Mel Gibson as Jerry Fletcher’s car or maybe my numerous prayers to the ultimate alien deity in the sky).
We had a small wait in the bar before being seated at a round table of six in the middle of the restaurant. Well dressed waiters, white table clothes and silver plates at each setting were classic reminders of a upscale dining experience. As for the menu, one of the unique aspects is the fact that one can enjoy a choice of a wide array of appetizers, mains and desserts for one set price. The number of courses is also variable and portion sizes are adjusted accordingly. One option is a trolley offering an extensive choice of cheeses which is navigated throughout the restaurant like a streetcar on Powell St.
We all opted for the 3 course menu for $76. Before that, we were treated to a curried carrot soup as an amuse bouche. It was very earthy, silky and subtly spiced. A nice start to the evening.
Curried Carrot Soup Amuse Bouche
I was set on the Dungeness Crab Salad with Avocado Mousse, Hearts of Palm and Madras Curry Vinaigrette but asked the waiter for his opinion. Perhaps I was wooed by his professionalism, but he highly recommended the Seared Ahi Tuna with Avocado, Nori, Enoki Mushrooms and Lemon Soy Dressing instead. The presentation looked like an Orval Reddenbacher Chia Pet with a nori bow tie, avocado arms and mushroom legs. The tuna was seared beautifully. The dressing was fairly acidic but blended nicely with the protein.
Seared Ahi Tuna with Avocado, Nori, Enoki Mushrooms and Lemon Soy Dressing
For the main, I like the sound of the Juniper Crusted Bison with King Trumpet Mushrooms, Cipollini Onions and Wild Nettle Spätzle as a package. It was a hunk of meat which was nicely prepared but a little too much. I quite enjoyed the noodles from both a taste and appearance perspective.
Juniper Crusted Bison with King Trumpet Mushrooms, Cipollini Onions and Wild Nettle Spätzle
For dessert, I ordered the highly recommended Strawberry Soufflé with Strawberry Sauce and Strawberry Sorbet. That’s a lot of strawberry! The pillowy, warm and fluffy texture had me at the first bite. I was hoping that the sorbet would have a tartness to cut through the sweet souffle but I couldn’t quite finish it.
Strawberry Soufflé with Strawberry Sauce and Strawberry Sorbet
The meal ended with an array of cookies for the table which were a delicious finish. The ladies also received a parting gift which ended up being banana cake filled with a delicious cream cheese filling (no…I’m not a lady but dined with one who didn’t see bringing the bread home worth an extra 20 minutes on the hotel tread mill the next day).
After Dinner TreatsGift (Banana Bread) for the Ladies
My Take
Dining at Gary Danko is a San Francisco rite of passage. The unique menu structure is a blessing, especially when in group with diverse palates. The service was sincere and professional. It was almost as if they were paid actors and actresses in a swanky movie. The food was solid although I found the bison and the souffle to be a little overkill. The amuse bouche and after dinner treats were a testament to the attention to detail which has been synonymous with the name Gary Danko for years. If you think the high Zagat ratings, repeated Michelin stars and smitten tripadvisor reviewers are a conspiracy…just ask the cab driver.
I was listening to Russell Peters on Sirius radio the other day. It was a replay of his classic rant on arranged marriages. I thought a little about it and tried to imagine being in that situation. In a universe filled with energy flow and frequencies, I can’t imagine being attached to a woman who would nag me about my food desires, affinity for a pint or the fact that I sit up at weird hours documenting the trials and tribulations of my culinary journals while watching HBO shows.
That said, it was at that point that I realized I have had an experience almost as excruciating…the “arranged lunch”. Let me explain. While in San Francisco, I sent out a general invite offering to bring any of my colleague’s customers out for lunch. I had a few bites and arranged to bring out a group. I had no idea who they were but figured lunch at the Slanted Door, the well established Vietnamese restaurant in San Francisco’s pier would be a safe call. I met the first of the four at the convention centre for a walk to the pier. I had met her once before so it wasn’t hard to strum up some conversation. We arrived at the rather large and very busy restaurant about twenty minutes later. It has a wide open concept with tables offering various views including the kitchen and bay areas. The rest of my group hadn’t arrived yet, so we waited by the door (I never noticed if it was slanted or not) so we could be seated. Much like a blind date, I watched people stroll in trying to predict who I’d be meeting. Finally, three ladies walked in who seemed to the fit the bill. After some quick introductions, we were seated around the corner in a half circular booth against the wall.
I’ll be the first to admit the menu is a bit long but these ladies made it look like they were reading the bible. The scowls and whispers trying to identify any dishes somewhat recognizable. I quickly realized the extent of their Asian experience was limited to chicken balls and fried rice. My fears were further confirmed when the table seemed either confused or appalled when the waiter suggested we order family style. To avoid further hardship, we agreed to choose a dish each. My dreams of trying some of the more innovative offerings of the James Beard recognized iconic eatery was going up in smoke.
In addition, my guests continued to make various observations including the fact that most of the waitstaff were males and they need more women on the floor. Nothing like a gender equality talk to spice things up. That said, I did find the service a little arrogant.
The scowls continued when we were notified that diet coke was not a menu option. The non-alcoholic drinks mainly consisted of spritzers and juices. So, a couple of them ordered lemonade. I had a a ginger soda.
I decided to be a bit greedy and order the gulf shrimp and pork wonton soup ($7) to start. I don’t think anybody cared. After all, the combination of seafood and pork might have thrown things into array. Fragrant, light broth housed noodles and dumplings which were tender and perfectly cooked. It was a large bowl but didn’t care much that I didn’t have to share.
Gulf Shrimp and Pork Wonton Soup $7
The vegetarian rolls ($12) served with peanut sauce were stuffed with mushroom, tofu and cabbage. They hit the mark although nothing spectacular but seemed to be acceptable at the table.
Vegetarian Spring Rolls $13
The grilled organic chicken with vermicelli ($16) was one of the safer bets on the menu so I wasn’t surprised to see it ordered. It went pretty fast but I did manage to get a bite or two. Nicely seasoned and nicely cooked but once again, nothing remarkable.
Grilled Organic Chicken $16
Sticking with the safe poultry theme, we also had lemongrass chicken ($18). A few mumbles about the spice levels circulated the table but I found it had a nice level of heat.
Lemon Chicken $18
The woman I walked over with ordered the trout served with green mango and a chili sauce. It was easily the best dish of the meal. The fish was moist and the accompaniments were a great contrast.
Trout Filet $20
My choice was the cellophane noodle with dungeness crab ($20). Very disappointing. I probably could have had all the crab in the dish on a tablespoon. It was so torn up that the pieces looked like specks in the abundant heap of noodles.
Cellophane Noodles with Dungeness $20
Vegetables included boy choy and snowpeas (each $11) from local farms. They were fresh, simple and nicely prepared.
Bok Choy $11Snow Peas $11
My Take
Slanted door is likely the most well known Vietnamese restaurant in San Francisco. It’s location and reputation makes it a popular destination for lunch and dinner. Personally, I found it a bit overpriced for very good but not spectacular food. The lack of crab in a San Francisco restaurant overlooking the ocean is the ultimate and sad irony.
In the end, I don’t recommend arranged dining, especially at a place that revolves around family style dining. I walked back to the convention centre with the first woman I met and couldn’t help but ask if that was the most painful dining experience she ever endured. She enthusiastically agreed and I felt a little better. If the success of “It’s just lunch” or other dating sites hinged on a dining experience like this, there’d be a lot more single people in the world.
There seems to be something about offering breakfast in a hotel. I’ve stayed in numerous hotel across Canada and the United States and can make a few general observations about the most important meal of the day:
1. Free breakfast usually involves a large common room populated with sports teams, messy haired kids wearing butterfly wings and hungover parents. Some will settle for a cold boiled egg and plain bread because the line up for the waffle machine and the toaster is too long. If you do get the the waffles, it’s a complex process of pour, fill, rotate and wait. While waiting, you look around and make conversation with a family member, a stranger or the orange juice carafe in an effort to avoid the jeers and dirty looks of the 15 people in line waiting for Belgian deliciousness. Kids are allowed to have free reign at the breakfast apparatus confirmed by the crunch of fruit loops beneath the feet of morning zombies.
2. For those who prefer to eat a croissant while blow drying their hair, there is the room service option. Fifteen bucks will get you a choice of baked goods (with preserves of course), a shot glass of orange juice, a carafe of house coffee and a individual tub of Activia yougurt delivered sometime between 6:45-7:00. An extra 10 dollars will get you a “hot” breakfast with some eggs supposedly kept warm by the use of a plastic cover. Either way, the tray ends up on the floor outside door and the faint smell of ketchup fills the halls along the walk to the elevator.
3. For those adventurous enough to leave their quarters, breakfast at the hotel restaurant is a third option. Similar to an amusement park, the convenience of proximal eating comes at a premium. The biggest decision is the choice between the $30 buffet which allows for the dried fruit and nuts as well as the bacon, the $15 continental buffet which the excludes pork products and the premade eggs benny or the a la carte menu which frequently involves a double take at the prices. That said, at least there’s free refills on the coffee.
Attached to the Hotel Zetta in San Francisco, the Cavalier offers breakfast, lunch and dinner. Intrigued by it’s honorable mention in this years James Beard nominations, I wanted to experience at least one meal so I went for breakfast, especially given its proximity to the convention centre. It is constructed to look like a high end pub one may frequent after a game of polo or a fox hunt. It’s a small menu with 4 or 5 standard morning items. I opted for the breakfast sandwich consisting of eggs, crisp bacon, pepper cress and a mustard dressing for $13. I was promised the crispy potatoes were worth it so I added them for another $6. I finished off the order with a $4 stumptown decaf coffee. The sandwich was delicious; all the components from the bun to the red onion, cress and mustard condiments hit the mark. The potatoes, as promised, complemented the sandwich and the coffee was probably the best I had in San Francisco. That said, it ended up being a $23 breakfast.
The breakfast Sandwich ($13) with fried potatoes ($6) and Stumptown coffee ($4)
My Take
I’m not saying that I expect to get a breakfast sandwich combo at a hotel for the price of an egg McMuffin combo. Don’t get me wrong, the food was delicious and the service was pleasant but $23 is a little steep. I would have liked to try lunch of dinner to assess the vibe (it was a bit dull and sleepy during the morning hours), but one can only hit so many places while in town. Maybe James Beard wasn’t a morning person but hell, at least there were free refills.
When I think of Seven Hills, a few things come to mind:
1. It sounds like the name of an ABC sitcom that involves some washed-up actor or actress who chose a TV career for a change of pace instead if admitting their last five movies have made less than 25 million combined in theatre revenues.
2. It might be the title of a country song which describes the trials and tribulations of the contours challenging a John Deere tractor in the attempt to harvest a bumper crop of wheat.
3. It could describe the geography of the walk from O’Farrell to this Hyde St. eatery in the Russian Hill district.
In fact, it is a relatively quaint Italian joint located between the pier and the bustling, tourist-ridden O’Farrell street. It doesn’t get the fanfare and hype of the more visible eateries but regularly sits in the top 25 of the 5000 San Francisco restaurants on tripadvisor. We booked a table for six which seemed to take up a good portion of the restaurant as we were seated in the back corner. The menu changes regularly but focuses on classic fare in a classic setting. It’s evident when you read the menu that the place pledges allegiance to locally sourced food. The vegetables, herbs and proteins come from a guy named Jim or Bob or Jim Bob and from places like Full Belly and All Star farms.
The service staff was cordial but a bit confused. They had a couple of waiters taking care of our table who had different levels of understanding. For example, I was offered a unique white wine by one waiter whereas the other had no idea what I was talking about when I ordered another glass. That said, there was a definite and rightful pride in their demeanor when describing the rustic dishes.
The table agreed on an array of first plates to share which ranged from $9-15. First, we were treated to an amuse bouche which was a delicious melon soup. The duck liver pate was a bit unorthodox in that it was served chunky country style instead of smooth like the surrounding eateries. That said, it was pretty decent. Other choices were the meatballs, arancini, burrata with tomato and prosciutto and carpaccio. In summary, none were remarkable but none were bad either. If I had to pick, the meatballs won the battle.
Melon Soup Amuse BoucheArancini, Duck Liver Pate, Meatballs, beef carpaccio and burrata with prosciutto ($9-15)
In the meantime, as more people crammed into the small quarters, the temperature rose to the point of slight discomfort. With more of a crowd the service got a little choppier. For the main I ordered the squid ink (or neri) pasta. Like the Italian cliche, it was delicious in it’s simplicity but became a little monotonous even with the addition of a generous amounts crispy breadcrumbs. I found the portion size quite ample and of good value for the price.
Neri (Squid Ink) Pasta
My Take
Seven Hills is the quintessential small family run bistro within a very diverse and vibrant dining scene. It’s simple in it’s theme, decor and food. There are no major surprises and I imagine no major inconsistencies. There’s a true commitment to partnerships with local farmers which comes out in the food. If you’re looking for adventure, there’s a hundred other places. However, if you want a safe haven for traditional fare or have a table full of people who thinks Joe Bastianich should be canonized and lament the fact that Mario Batali will never open a restaurant in San Francisco, this could be your place. Sure, there are service hiccups but it lacks the phoniness of chains and smiling hostesses who seem way too excited over the fact you might have a coat to check. After dining at Seven Hills, I think it can be described as a sitcom about an all American small Italian ristorante frequented by Al Pacino and Tony Danza with cameo appearances by Ray Romano and Robert DeNiro (playing local farmers Jim and Bob) and lovable yet confused waitstaff including the likes of Joey Tribbiani.
When it comes to the restaurant scene, San Francisco is a well-oiled machine. It is a mecca for receiving culinary awards such as Michelin stars and James beard nominations. As a result, there is unity among eateries in this posh destination. For example, seemingly every restaurant website in the city has an sf on the end of the restaurant name on their website domain. It’s a badge which lets the world know that “we are in San Francisco and you’re not”. Take http://www.coquetasf.com for example. It’s the brain child of celebrity chef Michael Chiarello and aims to bring trendy Spanish tapas to the tourist-ridden piers of the city by the bay. This effort was awarded with a nomination for a James Beard award for best new restaurant in 2014 although in the end it was edged out by Pêche Seafood Grill in New Orleans. I anxiously awaited the one month window to arrive so I could vigilantly get online and make a reservation. Since the lunch and dinner menus are similar, I booked at noon to take full advantage of a sunny San Francisco day by the pier. The decor follows the mold of many other San Francisco eateries in that it’s well decorated in a rustic yet modern fashion. In the kitchen area, shelves of jars and bottles sit beside pots that I’m not sure are ever used. Place settings are available along a long marble bar while the rest of the restaurant consists of nice, high hardwood tables. There is also area outside as well which provides protection from the sun but a nice view of the bustling pier and sparkling water.
Coqueta’s Interior
Like most tapas menus, temptation is plenty. There are hot and cold plates with an array and meets, cheeses and vegetables. What immediately caught my eyes were the pintxos; bite-size skewers carried around by the staff in an effort to challenge will power. The platter was an attractive mix (from left to right) of quail egg, asparagus, boquerones, chorizo and Serrano ham. AT $2.50 a pop, they were well constructed with a nice combination of salt, sweet and acid. To my surprise, the quail egg was the least enjoyable, while the Serrano ham with Manchego cheese and the apricot conserva was fantastic, offering fundamental spanish flavours and textures all in one bite.
Various Pintxos $3.50
It’s a daunting task taking four people with very different tastes to agree on a tapas spread, especially with a menu as complex as Coqueta’s. Anybody who has dined with me knows I’ll go for the eggs every time, especially with memories of the Huevos Cabreados I had in Barcelona a few years back. I went for the “Sunny side-up” Huevo With Shrimp, crispy potato, and chorizo dressing ($13). The egg was cooked nicely and shrimp, despite the size and skimpy portion, were seasoned and cooked well. The potatoes were white and a bit flaccid and literally paled in comparison to their Barcelona counterparts. I think if you’re going to mash an egg into matchstick potatoes, they need to be able to hold their integrity to a degree.
“Sunnny side-up Huevo with shrimp, crispy dressing potato and chorizo dressing ($13)
A tapas meal is not complete without some Spanish poutine, also known as patatas bravas $8. Although in some ways I’m a conservative when it comes to adherence to traditional dishes. It’s rare that I make any food the first time without adhering to the traditional way of doing things. So, I’m a little skeptical when I get a haute cuisine version of a very traditional dish. Hand dug potatoes replaced the wedges I’m accustomed to. The normally messy presentation of a piquant sauce and creamy alioli was subbed for a tomato base in a side dish and a white dollop atop a freshly dug potato.
Patatas Bravas $8
The Croquetas de Pollo Chicharon (crusted Chicken and English pea croquetas with cured cara-cara orange) for $9 were ok. Keep in mind I’m impartial to croquetas to begin with and these were no exception. Decent taste. The cara cara orange tried to cut into the creamy fried mix but it’s still a croqutea.
Croquetas de Pollo Chicharon $9
The Ensalada de Remolacha (Roasted baby beets with Sausalito watercress, beet vinaigreta, tierra and cabrales blue cheese snow $9) was a pretty dish which combined purple and gold beets with the green and white of watercress and cheese respectively. It tasted pretty too.
Ensalada de Remolacha $9
The Calamares a la Plancha (Whole Monterey calamari on the plancha with onion jam and squid ink alioli) $10 was a creative yet authentic dish. The calamari was tender and the ink allowed for a little fun and tasty play time. The jam was a surprising but delicious addition to the mix.
Calamares a la Plancha $10
I love deviled eggs, so my vote was for the Huevos Nacional (deviled eggs filled with spring pea, smoked pimentón alioli, on pickled saffron potatos and olive oil poached Bonito $7). Beautifully presented, it was easily the most complex deviled egg I have eaten. It was almost confusing although using a pickled potato as a pedestal is a tasty and practical idea I not might use myself the next time I make the picnic favorites myself.
Huevos Nacional $7
The generous use of delicious fish highlighted the salmon ahumado (Smoked salmon queso fresco and truffle honey-$8). Piled on top of fluffy cheese and sweetened ever so slightly, it was an interesting spin on bagel and lox. Thankfully, the truffle was subtle and didn’t overpower the star of the dish and I found the sweetness from the honey instead of the normal use of salt from something like a caper worked well.
Salmon Ahumado $8
Another pretty dish was the Esparragos Trigeros con Romesco (Wood grilled green and purple Delta asparagus with coal roasted romesco salsa, raw Manchego and Marcona almonds $14). There was a smokiness to it that was tamed by the colourful accents. The salsa was delicious.
Esparragos Trigeros con Romesco $14
The most carnivorous tapas order was the Albondigas a la Feria (Grilled duck and pork meatballs with tart cherry and tempranillo salsa and crispy shallots $12). I really enjoyed the flavour of the duck and pork together although a little greasier than I would have liked. The chefs were stingy on the shallots which was a bit disappointing because it would have added a crunch to the meatball.
Albondigas a la Feria $12
My Take
Eating at a restaurant is like watching a movie. First, you need a plot. Coqueta entered the already bustling San Francisco dining scene by offering Spanish fare with a Californian twist. Second, you need a director, preferably a big name. Michael Chiarello certainly fits the bill. Next, you need to enhance the plot with a combination of a great setting and cast. Coqueta’s decor and service were excellent. The waitress, for example, modified the size of the standard order to accommodate the four us (so we had enough but didn’t need to order two servings) with no issues at all Since the James Beard awards are like the Academy Awards of all things food, I was excited to dine in a restaurant who was shortlisted for best new restaurant nationally. However, sometimes when I watch a Oscar-nominated movie, I get lost in the complex plot and end up missing the point. A few dishes at Coqueta were like that; it was a good experience but a few dishes were confusing and overly complex. The experience was helped by great service and a good location. Like the movies that don’t quite win an Oscar, I was curious to experience those who were just honored to be nominated.
Fare..Eat..Ales 