I was listening to Russell Peters on Sirius radio the other day. It was a replay of his classic rant on arranged marriages. I thought a little about it and tried to imagine being in that situation. In a universe filled with energy flow and frequencies, I can’t imagine being attached to a woman who would nag me about my food desires, affinity for a pint or the fact that I sit up at weird hours documenting the trials and tribulations of my culinary journals while watching HBO shows.
That said, it was at that point that I realized I have had an experience almost as excruciating…the “arranged lunch”. Let me explain. While in San Francisco, I sent out a general invite offering to bring any of my colleague’s customers out for lunch. I had a few bites and arranged to bring out a group. I had no idea who they were but figured lunch at the Slanted Door, the well established Vietnamese restaurant in San Francisco’s pier would be a safe call. I met the first of the four at the convention centre for a walk to the pier. I had met her once before so it wasn’t hard to strum up some conversation. We arrived at the rather large and very busy restaurant about twenty minutes later. It has a wide open concept with tables offering various views including the kitchen and bay areas. The rest of my group hadn’t arrived yet, so we waited by the door (I never noticed if it was slanted or not) so we could be seated. Much like a blind date, I watched people stroll in trying to predict who I’d be meeting. Finally, three ladies walked in who seemed to the fit the bill. After some quick introductions, we were seated around the corner in a half circular booth against the wall.
I’ll be the first to admit the menu is a bit long but these ladies made it look like they were reading the bible. The scowls and whispers trying to identify any dishes somewhat recognizable. I quickly realized the extent of their Asian experience was limited to chicken balls and fried rice. My fears were further confirmed when the table seemed either confused or appalled when the waiter suggested we order family style. To avoid further hardship, we agreed to choose a dish each. My dreams of trying some of the more innovative offerings of the James Beard recognized iconic eatery was going up in smoke.
In addition, my guests continued to make various observations including the fact that most of the waitstaff were males and they need more women on the floor. Nothing like a gender equality talk to spice things up. That said, I did find the service a little arrogant.
The scowls continued when we were notified that diet coke was not a menu option. The non-alcoholic drinks mainly consisted of spritzers and juices. So, a couple of them ordered lemonade. I had a a ginger soda.
I decided to be a bit greedy and order the gulf shrimp and pork wonton soup ($7) to start. I don’t think anybody cared. After all, the combination of seafood and pork might have thrown things into array. Fragrant, light broth housed noodles and dumplings which were tender and perfectly cooked. It was a large bowl but didn’t care much that I didn’t have to share.
Gulf Shrimp and Pork Wonton Soup $7
The vegetarian rolls ($12) served with peanut sauce were stuffed with mushroom, tofu and cabbage. They hit the mark although nothing spectacular but seemed to be acceptable at the table.
Vegetarian Spring Rolls $13
The grilled organic chicken with vermicelli ($16) was one of the safer bets on the menu so I wasn’t surprised to see it ordered. It went pretty fast but I did manage to get a bite or two. Nicely seasoned and nicely cooked but once again, nothing remarkable.
Grilled Organic Chicken $16
Sticking with the safe poultry theme, we also had lemongrass chicken ($18). A few mumbles about the spice levels circulated the table but I found it had a nice level of heat.
Lemon Chicken $18
The woman I walked over with ordered the trout served with green mango and a chili sauce. It was easily the best dish of the meal. The fish was moist and the accompaniments were a great contrast.
Trout Filet $20
My choice was the cellophane noodle with dungeness crab ($20). Very disappointing. I probably could have had all the crab in the dish on a tablespoon. It was so torn up that the pieces looked like specks in the abundant heap of noodles.
Cellophane Noodles with Dungeness $20
Vegetables included boy choy and snowpeas (each $11) from local farms. They were fresh, simple and nicely prepared.
Bok Choy $11Snow Peas $11
My Take
Slanted door is likely the most well known Vietnamese restaurant in San Francisco. It’s location and reputation makes it a popular destination for lunch and dinner. Personally, I found it a bit overpriced for very good but not spectacular food. The lack of crab in a San Francisco restaurant overlooking the ocean is the ultimate and sad irony.
In the end, I don’t recommend arranged dining, especially at a place that revolves around family style dining. I walked back to the convention centre with the first woman I met and couldn’t help but ask if that was the most painful dining experience she ever endured. She enthusiastically agreed and I felt a little better. If the success of “It’s just lunch” or other dating sites hinged on a dining experience like this, there’d be a lot more single people in the world.
There seems to be something about offering breakfast in a hotel. I’ve stayed in numerous hotel across Canada and the United States and can make a few general observations about the most important meal of the day:
1. Free breakfast usually involves a large common room populated with sports teams, messy haired kids wearing butterfly wings and hungover parents. Some will settle for a cold boiled egg and plain bread because the line up for the waffle machine and the toaster is too long. If you do get the the waffles, it’s a complex process of pour, fill, rotate and wait. While waiting, you look around and make conversation with a family member, a stranger or the orange juice carafe in an effort to avoid the jeers and dirty looks of the 15 people in line waiting for Belgian deliciousness. Kids are allowed to have free reign at the breakfast apparatus confirmed by the crunch of fruit loops beneath the feet of morning zombies.
2. For those who prefer to eat a croissant while blow drying their hair, there is the room service option. Fifteen bucks will get you a choice of baked goods (with preserves of course), a shot glass of orange juice, a carafe of house coffee and a individual tub of Activia yougurt delivered sometime between 6:45-7:00. An extra 10 dollars will get you a “hot” breakfast with some eggs supposedly kept warm by the use of a plastic cover. Either way, the tray ends up on the floor outside door and the faint smell of ketchup fills the halls along the walk to the elevator.
3. For those adventurous enough to leave their quarters, breakfast at the hotel restaurant is a third option. Similar to an amusement park, the convenience of proximal eating comes at a premium. The biggest decision is the choice between the $30 buffet which allows for the dried fruit and nuts as well as the bacon, the $15 continental buffet which the excludes pork products and the premade eggs benny or the a la carte menu which frequently involves a double take at the prices. That said, at least there’s free refills on the coffee.
Attached to the Hotel Zetta in San Francisco, the Cavalier offers breakfast, lunch and dinner. Intrigued by it’s honorable mention in this years James Beard nominations, I wanted to experience at least one meal so I went for breakfast, especially given its proximity to the convention centre. It is constructed to look like a high end pub one may frequent after a game of polo or a fox hunt. It’s a small menu with 4 or 5 standard morning items. I opted for the breakfast sandwich consisting of eggs, crisp bacon, pepper cress and a mustard dressing for $13. I was promised the crispy potatoes were worth it so I added them for another $6. I finished off the order with a $4 stumptown decaf coffee. The sandwich was delicious; all the components from the bun to the red onion, cress and mustard condiments hit the mark. The potatoes, as promised, complemented the sandwich and the coffee was probably the best I had in San Francisco. That said, it ended up being a $23 breakfast.
The breakfast Sandwich ($13) with fried potatoes ($6) and Stumptown coffee ($4)
My Take
I’m not saying that I expect to get a breakfast sandwich combo at a hotel for the price of an egg McMuffin combo. Don’t get me wrong, the food was delicious and the service was pleasant but $23 is a little steep. I would have liked to try lunch of dinner to assess the vibe (it was a bit dull and sleepy during the morning hours), but one can only hit so many places while in town. Maybe James Beard wasn’t a morning person but hell, at least there were free refills.
When I think of Seven Hills, a few things come to mind:
1. It sounds like the name of an ABC sitcom that involves some washed-up actor or actress who chose a TV career for a change of pace instead if admitting their last five movies have made less than 25 million combined in theatre revenues.
2. It might be the title of a country song which describes the trials and tribulations of the contours challenging a John Deere tractor in the attempt to harvest a bumper crop of wheat.
3. It could describe the geography of the walk from O’Farrell to this Hyde St. eatery in the Russian Hill district.
In fact, it is a relatively quaint Italian joint located between the pier and the bustling, tourist-ridden O’Farrell street. It doesn’t get the fanfare and hype of the more visible eateries but regularly sits in the top 25 of the 5000 San Francisco restaurants on tripadvisor. We booked a table for six which seemed to take up a good portion of the restaurant as we were seated in the back corner. The menu changes regularly but focuses on classic fare in a classic setting. It’s evident when you read the menu that the place pledges allegiance to locally sourced food. The vegetables, herbs and proteins come from a guy named Jim or Bob or Jim Bob and from places like Full Belly and All Star farms.
The service staff was cordial but a bit confused. They had a couple of waiters taking care of our table who had different levels of understanding. For example, I was offered a unique white wine by one waiter whereas the other had no idea what I was talking about when I ordered another glass. That said, there was a definite and rightful pride in their demeanor when describing the rustic dishes.
The table agreed on an array of first plates to share which ranged from $9-15. First, we were treated to an amuse bouche which was a delicious melon soup. The duck liver pate was a bit unorthodox in that it was served chunky country style instead of smooth like the surrounding eateries. That said, it was pretty decent. Other choices were the meatballs, arancini, burrata with tomato and prosciutto and carpaccio. In summary, none were remarkable but none were bad either. If I had to pick, the meatballs won the battle.
Melon Soup Amuse BoucheArancini, Duck Liver Pate, Meatballs, beef carpaccio and burrata with prosciutto ($9-15)
In the meantime, as more people crammed into the small quarters, the temperature rose to the point of slight discomfort. With more of a crowd the service got a little choppier. For the main I ordered the squid ink (or neri) pasta. Like the Italian cliche, it was delicious in it’s simplicity but became a little monotonous even with the addition of a generous amounts crispy breadcrumbs. I found the portion size quite ample and of good value for the price.
Neri (Squid Ink) Pasta
My Take
Seven Hills is the quintessential small family run bistro within a very diverse and vibrant dining scene. It’s simple in it’s theme, decor and food. There are no major surprises and I imagine no major inconsistencies. There’s a true commitment to partnerships with local farmers which comes out in the food. If you’re looking for adventure, there’s a hundred other places. However, if you want a safe haven for traditional fare or have a table full of people who thinks Joe Bastianich should be canonized and lament the fact that Mario Batali will never open a restaurant in San Francisco, this could be your place. Sure, there are service hiccups but it lacks the phoniness of chains and smiling hostesses who seem way too excited over the fact you might have a coat to check. After dining at Seven Hills, I think it can be described as a sitcom about an all American small Italian ristorante frequented by Al Pacino and Tony Danza with cameo appearances by Ray Romano and Robert DeNiro (playing local farmers Jim and Bob) and lovable yet confused waitstaff including the likes of Joey Tribbiani.
When it comes to the restaurant scene, San Francisco is a well-oiled machine. It is a mecca for receiving culinary awards such as Michelin stars and James beard nominations. As a result, there is unity among eateries in this posh destination. For example, seemingly every restaurant website in the city has an sf on the end of the restaurant name on their website domain. It’s a badge which lets the world know that “we are in San Francisco and you’re not”. Take http://www.coquetasf.com for example. It’s the brain child of celebrity chef Michael Chiarello and aims to bring trendy Spanish tapas to the tourist-ridden piers of the city by the bay. This effort was awarded with a nomination for a James Beard award for best new restaurant in 2014 although in the end it was edged out by Pêche Seafood Grill in New Orleans. I anxiously awaited the one month window to arrive so I could vigilantly get online and make a reservation. Since the lunch and dinner menus are similar, I booked at noon to take full advantage of a sunny San Francisco day by the pier. The decor follows the mold of many other San Francisco eateries in that it’s well decorated in a rustic yet modern fashion. In the kitchen area, shelves of jars and bottles sit beside pots that I’m not sure are ever used. Place settings are available along a long marble bar while the rest of the restaurant consists of nice, high hardwood tables. There is also area outside as well which provides protection from the sun but a nice view of the bustling pier and sparkling water.
Coqueta’s Interior
Like most tapas menus, temptation is plenty. There are hot and cold plates with an array and meets, cheeses and vegetables. What immediately caught my eyes were the pintxos; bite-size skewers carried around by the staff in an effort to challenge will power. The platter was an attractive mix (from left to right) of quail egg, asparagus, boquerones, chorizo and Serrano ham. AT $2.50 a pop, they were well constructed with a nice combination of salt, sweet and acid. To my surprise, the quail egg was the least enjoyable, while the Serrano ham with Manchego cheese and the apricot conserva was fantastic, offering fundamental spanish flavours and textures all in one bite.
Various Pintxos $3.50
It’s a daunting task taking four people with very different tastes to agree on a tapas spread, especially with a menu as complex as Coqueta’s. Anybody who has dined with me knows I’ll go for the eggs every time, especially with memories of the Huevos Cabreados I had in Barcelona a few years back. I went for the “Sunny side-up” Huevo With Shrimp, crispy potato, and chorizo dressing ($13). The egg was cooked nicely and shrimp, despite the size and skimpy portion, were seasoned and cooked well. The potatoes were white and a bit flaccid and literally paled in comparison to their Barcelona counterparts. I think if you’re going to mash an egg into matchstick potatoes, they need to be able to hold their integrity to a degree.
“Sunnny side-up Huevo with shrimp, crispy dressing potato and chorizo dressing ($13)
A tapas meal is not complete without some Spanish poutine, also known as patatas bravas $8. Although in some ways I’m a conservative when it comes to adherence to traditional dishes. It’s rare that I make any food the first time without adhering to the traditional way of doing things. So, I’m a little skeptical when I get a haute cuisine version of a very traditional dish. Hand dug potatoes replaced the wedges I’m accustomed to. The normally messy presentation of a piquant sauce and creamy alioli was subbed for a tomato base in a side dish and a white dollop atop a freshly dug potato.
Patatas Bravas $8
The Croquetas de Pollo Chicharon (crusted Chicken and English pea croquetas with cured cara-cara orange) for $9 were ok. Keep in mind I’m impartial to croquetas to begin with and these were no exception. Decent taste. The cara cara orange tried to cut into the creamy fried mix but it’s still a croqutea.
Croquetas de Pollo Chicharon $9
The Ensalada de Remolacha (Roasted baby beets with Sausalito watercress, beet vinaigreta, tierra and cabrales blue cheese snow $9) was a pretty dish which combined purple and gold beets with the green and white of watercress and cheese respectively. It tasted pretty too.
Ensalada de Remolacha $9
The Calamares a la Plancha (Whole Monterey calamari on the plancha with onion jam and squid ink alioli) $10 was a creative yet authentic dish. The calamari was tender and the ink allowed for a little fun and tasty play time. The jam was a surprising but delicious addition to the mix.
Calamares a la Plancha $10
I love deviled eggs, so my vote was for the Huevos Nacional (deviled eggs filled with spring pea, smoked pimentón alioli, on pickled saffron potatos and olive oil poached Bonito $7). Beautifully presented, it was easily the most complex deviled egg I have eaten. It was almost confusing although using a pickled potato as a pedestal is a tasty and practical idea I not might use myself the next time I make the picnic favorites myself.
Huevos Nacional $7
The generous use of delicious fish highlighted the salmon ahumado (Smoked salmon queso fresco and truffle honey-$8). Piled on top of fluffy cheese and sweetened ever so slightly, it was an interesting spin on bagel and lox. Thankfully, the truffle was subtle and didn’t overpower the star of the dish and I found the sweetness from the honey instead of the normal use of salt from something like a caper worked well.
Salmon Ahumado $8
Another pretty dish was the Esparragos Trigeros con Romesco (Wood grilled green and purple Delta asparagus with coal roasted romesco salsa, raw Manchego and Marcona almonds $14). There was a smokiness to it that was tamed by the colourful accents. The salsa was delicious.
Esparragos Trigeros con Romesco $14
The most carnivorous tapas order was the Albondigas a la Feria (Grilled duck and pork meatballs with tart cherry and tempranillo salsa and crispy shallots $12). I really enjoyed the flavour of the duck and pork together although a little greasier than I would have liked. The chefs were stingy on the shallots which was a bit disappointing because it would have added a crunch to the meatball.
Albondigas a la Feria $12
My Take
Eating at a restaurant is like watching a movie. First, you need a plot. Coqueta entered the already bustling San Francisco dining scene by offering Spanish fare with a Californian twist. Second, you need a director, preferably a big name. Michael Chiarello certainly fits the bill. Next, you need to enhance the plot with a combination of a great setting and cast. Coqueta’s decor and service were excellent. The waitress, for example, modified the size of the standard order to accommodate the four us (so we had enough but didn’t need to order two servings) with no issues at all Since the James Beard awards are like the Academy Awards of all things food, I was excited to dine in a restaurant who was shortlisted for best new restaurant nationally. However, sometimes when I watch a Oscar-nominated movie, I get lost in the complex plot and end up missing the point. A few dishes at Coqueta were like that; it was a good experience but a few dishes were confusing and overly complex. The experience was helped by great service and a good location. Like the movies that don’t quite win an Oscar, I was curious to experience those who were just honored to be nominated.
I must confess that I didn’t do a lot of research prior to showing up at Dottie’s true blue cafe . Knowing it was a triple D and within walking distance of my hotel in San Francisco, I took a quick look at the menu and thought it was a typical breakfast/lunch cafe known for corn bread and jalapeno jelly. My first hint that I had misjudged things is when I showed up at 9:15 on Thursday and there was a line. I figured what the hell, I stood in line at State Bird Provisions the night before for 45 minutes with great results, so a short wait for breakfast in another odd neighbourhood couldn’t be that bad, even among the numerous schizophrenic homeless people who walked by looking to teach me a life lesson. Since I was single, I managed to skip in front of 4 or 5 waiting couples and get a seat along the rail in less than 10 minutes. I felt pretty lucky having secured a second spot with a kitchen view in 2 days.
Rail view of kitchen
Shorty after, the seat became me became vacant and a woman I recognized from the line outside was seated beside me. It was clear she was a regular when half the restaurant said hi to her when she sat down. We quickly engaged in a conversation and I was able to get the following facts out of her:
The busy cook was the owner. He didn’t look like a Dottie.
The only time you can avoid a line is if you come during the week before 9 am. If you come on it weekend, count on it being a day trip.
The old style brick walls at Dottie’s are somewhat unique to San Francisco and were not damaged during the 1989 earthquake. I guess the three little pigs fable did have some scientific merit.
Dottie’s is known for it’s excellent baked goods (see sign below). I was told that a gentleman comes in every morning and makes them in-house. She pointed to a counter beside the kitchen where one could get any of the delightful treats to go.
The menu is large, especially when you consider the fact there is a blackboard full of daily specials including specialty sandwiches, frittatas, omelettes, french toast etc. With all the temptation, I stuck to my general triple D philosophy which inlcudes trying their signature item/dish coupled with something I really like. In this case, it was the louisiana hot link wth eggs served any style showcasing the grilled chili-cheddar corn bread and homefries with the jalapeno jelly of course.
It is very easy to destroy corn bread and this was probably the best I’ve had including restaurants in Tennessee. The jalapeno jelly was food crack (just to clarify..this was the hottie I met at Dottie’s and the not the aforementioned regular who was sweet but not my type). Even the homefries rivaled some of the nest I’ve had. They were tender and seasoned beautifully as also gave me a reason to use more jalapeno jelly. The sausage was middle of the pack but didn’t impair my enjoyment of the dish as a whole. Some of the best breakfasts I’ve had have been from recommendations of Guy Fieri. Dottie’s is right up there with the likes of Lucky’s cafe in Cleveland and Honey’s Sit and Eat in Philadelphia.
Louisiana Hot Link with eggs any style $9.50 served with chili-cheddar corn bread and jalapeno jelly
Following such a delicious breakfast, my eyes averted to the baked goods. I already knew a jar of jelly was coming home with me so I supplemented it with a coconut chocolate chip muffin ($3) and a Dottie’s peanut butter bar($5) as a snack for the hotel room later. They were neatly wrapped in foil grandma-style which made me think of Dottie since it’s such a grandma name. When taking pictures of these beasts, I put a fork beside them just to demonstrate just how big they were. Tastewise, they were delicious. The muffin was moist and abundent with coconut and the tasty base of the bar was covered in with marshmallows and just the right amount of buttescotch chips. I was thinking of inviting the whole floor over since I would have had enough for all of them.
Dottie’s Chipotle Pepper Jelly $9..a buck an ounce…cheaper than crack.Coconut Chocolate Muffin $3Dottie’s Peanut Butter bar $5
My Take
I think the foundation of a successful breakfast/lunch spot is to offer a normal menu and jazz it up with either a signature item/dish, amazing baked goods and/or a day to day menu highlighting whimsical ideas by the chef based on available ingredients. Dottie’s does all three. The corn bread and jelly was phemonemal, the baked goods sublime and the board was “chalked” full of inventive dishes. San Francsicans love their lines, but they also love their food. The service was as friendly as the diners who frequent the place. The vibe was busy, fun and friendly. Based on past breakfast expereinces, I was convinced I would name my next pet Lucky or Honey but after eating here I may need to put the name Dottie in the mix as well.
Food: 5/5 Guyz
Service: 4/5 Guyz
Vibe: 4.5/5 Guyz
Total: 13.5/15 Guyz
For a complete list of my favorite diners, drive-ins and dives, please click this link:
Since I was going to be away from home on Father’s day, I decided to treat myself to an early gift and make a reservation at Atelier Crenn in San Francisco. I figured I could break the bank and a little and treat myself to my first two Michelin star experience. My rationale was two-fold. First, they have a condensed tasting menu which allows one to experience the restaurant from $120, a far cry from some competitors who request more than $200 for their similar sized menu. Second, I’ve had a food crush on chef Dominique Crenn even since I saw her appearances on both Iron Chef America (in which she beat Michael Symon) and as a guest on Top Chef (in which she won the French vs Spanish food challenge). I walked up and down and up and down and up and down Fillmore to get there and was seated quickly as I waited for my work colleague who agreed to join me in order for this culinary expedition to begin. In the meantime, I hit the washroom (or restroom as the Americans say). Even a two Michelin star restaurant adheres to the San Francisco norm of a unisex, single washroom philosophy.
Once my colleague arrived, we were presented with the aforementioned option of the $120 condensed menu or the more elaborate $195 one with close to 20 courses. As stated above, I opted for the former. The menu is presented in poetic form, leaving the dishes to both the imagination and a reliance on tips your grade 12 english teacher gave you about how to interpret Shakespearean stanzas or the opiod-filled sagas written by Samuel Taylor Coleridge. The menus seem to rotate according to the seasons, so I got the spring edition. We did not opt for the wine pairing but were quite happy to indulge in a couple of the excellent Belgian beer from the small beer menu (I imagine even Chef Crenn couldn’t justify trying to serve a French beer with her food..I doubt a Kronenbourg 1664 would make the cut). In particular, the Strubbe’s Flemish Red ale was quite delicious and nicely complemented to the array of food that was served over the evening.
Spring has come with its cool breeze
A spin on the French aperitif Kir, this amuse bouche was served with a warning; don’t bite it until it’s in your mouth. It had a delicate exoskeleton of a hazelnutty-cocoa filled with a cider-based elixir. It certainly stimulated the taste buds and reminded me to quit thinking and let my peanut of a right brain run the show for once.
Mellow serenades of colors liquid and orange
My initial thought was I might get a bowl of tiger tail ice cream. My mother, who grew up wishing she could have given birth to a Bengal tiger, would often truck us out to the ice cream parlor. Whereas I would have an ice cream I hadn’t tried before, she ALWAYS got tiger tail which is orange flavoured with licorice streaks. Thankfully, this was a duo of hors d’ oeuvres. The first was an oyster seasoned with green apple, tobacco and coffee. The second was a sea urchin mousse topped with salty caviar. The texture of the mousse and the combination of flavours in the the oyster were sublime. The coffee was ever so subtle but added a surprising and delightful finish to the starter. The poetry of the evening was further exemplified by the use of the urchin and oyster shell shaped dishes.
A gentle smell, oceanic, of yummy feeling
Hidden beneath an array of green was a piece of Japanese mackerel which was served raw. The freshness was evident but what blew me away was the cilantro ice dust which started benign but ended with a blast of flavour which filled the dimensions of my mouth like spray paint. It was one the most surprising, elegant and magical movements of the evening. The finishing touch was a fried foodie-friendly turnip which was strewn across the plate.
The half moon, silky and smoky
I think a French chef would be remiss without trying to redefine some of the more stereotypical homeland dishes which have been bastardized by years of American influence. Take french onion soup for example. Chef Crenn replaces the salt-laden, broiled cheese and bread covered thick broth with a more complex and refined base of caramelized onion with a delicate red wine vinegar gelled cheese dumpling bobbing in the middle. The dark, scarlet broth surrounding the dumpling did in fact look like a moonlit scene. Tastewise, it was refreshing and it was quite pleasurable cutting into the tender dumpling which was a easy target once the surrounding gel dissolved into the broth. If anything it was on the sweet side but that didn’t take away from the experience.
I refreshed as I gazed at your smooth green coat
The intermezzo was a simple pickled green strawberry salad with watercress and more magic green dust. Sour, acidic, vibrant and palate cleansing.
Walking deep in the woods, as the earth might have something to spare
My grade 13 english course told me that this could either be mushrooms or a toothpick. Luckily it was the former. A collection of fresh and rehydrated mushrooms were strewn across the plate and adorned with a variety of other earthy flavours, most notably what I think was a hazelnut rosette on one side of the plate. The lack of symmetry meant I didn’t get another one on the other side but instead was treated to more pixie dust so I was just fine.
These creatures, who move with a slow, vague wavering of claws
It only makes sense that a chef who practices poetic culinaria would name a dish after a line from a poet on the literary side. “These creatures, who move with a slow vague wavering of claws” comes from the “The Lobsters” written by Amercian poet Howard Nemerov. It’s a sombre tail of the imprisoned somnambulists faced with the ultimate destiny of being served to humans beside a sauce of melted butter. Other than that, the only clue we received was a mysterious knife which looked too innocent to do anything harmful. The puzzle was soon solved with the arrival of a chuck of brioche bread and flavoured butter. Soon after, a lobster bisque arrived accented with sweetbread biscuits and bone marrow and garnished with pickled onions and sea grapes. The soup was rich on rich which was cut somewhat by the acid in the onions. Honestly, I found the brioche mediocre but the soup delicious. By the way, biting into a sea grape which, like a 4-year old with red smarties I saved until the end, tasted like biting into a mouthful of ocean.
Mystery Knife
Where birds sing and are causing ripples in the nearby water
Now that we were getting the hang of the menu game, we arrogantly proclaimed that the next dish had to be duck. I mean, the clue combined with a French chef at the helm made perfect sense. Even Inspector Clouseau could figure out that one. However, we were thrown a french twist when a piece of guinea hen showed up. Served far from overcooked with some fried greens and a slightly rendered fat cap, it was a fine enough finish to the savory component of the meal athough likely the least remarkable. Do guniea hens sing anyway?
Nature has churned up a tornado of milky , rich flavour
Ok, I made that one up but it sounds better than just saying the cheese course. My lack of will power coupled with the fact that I had to stare at these blocks and wheels of dairy goodness made resistance futile. Of the four french cheeses available, we opted for a blue and a raw cow’s milk offering. Served with honey and a cracker-like loaf, both were exquisite and a nice addition to the meal for an extra $25.
Spring has come and is full of sweet surprises
Guessing which French dessert would be served would be near impossible, especially since we were humbled by the last course. After a short wait, a trio of waitstaff arrived carrying two plates and what looked like a honeycomb. The latter was placed between us and I had a sudden urge to play ping pong. The dessert itself was a nicely executed combination of sorbet atop a lavender or chamomile or some kind of girly tea-flavoured cake accented with a few other sweet sauces but no table tennis paddles. Hidden within the comb were the surprises: beeswax coated honey bonbons which brought me back to the days of spending nickles and dimes on wax teeth filled with some concoction of sugar and food colouring. Visual, it was stunning. Tastewise, it was quite acceptable as well.
Sweet raindrops speckle my satisfied tongue
This line is made up too. It describes the trio of mignardises (ie little desserts) that arrived after the meal. Homemade marshmallow kisses, guava fruit gummies and blackberry macarons we laid out on a glass platform. Delicious!
Mon Point de Vue
Atelier Crenn is definitely a bucket list restaurant for anybody who wants to experience a Michelin two-star restaurant, meet a celebrity chef or justify the copious amounts of time spent reading poems in high school. Once again, my mom was right when she said “you’re going to need this stuff in real life some day” about my english classes. I agree with the thousands of reviews on yelp, urbanspoon, tripadvisor etc. which state that the food is whimsical, artistic, creative and delicious. One thing I found a little interesting was the fact that the menu was almost completely void in red meat and pork. Perhaps San Francisco rubs off on even the most discerning French chefs.The service aspect has been more of a contenious debate, however. First, I appreciate Chef Crenn making the rounds. She was far from modest when I told her I was an adoring fan who knew she won both Iron Chef and the Top Chef competitions. Second, I agree with some reviewers that the service is somewhat pretentious but I found nothing wrong with it. Nothing bothers me more than phony waitstaff who assert their supposed knowledge above the heads of the very people they are meant to serve. That was not the case here. Instead, I found it to be more of an orchestra of professionals. For example, despite the fact I was seated against the wall in the middle of the restaurant, the servers also approached the table doorside, even it if meant taking the longer route around tables. At least 4 or 5 service staff delivered food throughout the night and each was as skilled as the next in explaining the dishes.
Part of a tasting menu is always the element of surpise and the openness of the layout of this place can spoil things a bit. I got really lucky for two reasons. One, we were a few courses ahead of the table beside us so our experience wasn’t tainted by seeing them get their food first. Second, they went all out and got the full tasting menu so we also got to see what we didn’t get.
In the end, Atelier Crenn was an investment in a great dining experience. It had all the elements of a night of fine dining including poetic references, shaking hands with a celebrity chef and fantastic food,great beer, exquisite cheese and magic fairy dust. I can summarize the experince in one poetic line: Looking up in the sky I see two rightful Michelin stars beaming down.
I recently went on a business trip to San Francisco and had the opportunity to dine at many of the numerous eateries that have made the city one of the most popular dining destinations in the United States. From a handful of Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives to a Michelin two star restaurant, it was a rather amazing culinary journey. Before I break it down, however, I figure I’d share some general observations about this diverse city.
Crazy Cab Drivers
San Francisco cab drivers are insane. Some of them look like they are hiding from the law. Others speak of government conspiracies and try to set up ipad firewalls while dodging halted cars and aiming at unsuspecting tourists who actually think that they have the right of way (see drivers).
Homeless People
There are two types of homeless people in San Francisco. The first are those who hang out along Geary and O’Farrell with cardboard signs and sob stories and those who Market and Taylor. The mental illness runs rampant and is quite evident as you walk the streets. The modern climate couple with the “we accept everybody” mentality probably helps the situation. It’s amazing to see people crap on Detroit for its decrepit neighbourhoods especially when San Francisco has a lot of the the same.
Small Beers
I’m not sure San Francisco knows what a pint is. Most of the beer I ordered came in a concave glass that clearly was smaller than the pints I’m so used to. That said, the average price of 6-7 bucks was far from a deal. That said, there is terrific variety of local brews ranging from black porters to watermelon wheat to the famous anchor steam. After looking at the dainty glasses for a week, the first pint I drank upon my return to Canada looked like a Munich stein during Octoberfest.
Maps
Even google maps can’t properly depict the contours of this city. I saw a few homeless guys at the bottom of Fillmore. Once I started the ascent,after further consideration I realized they were more likely Sherpas offering assistance for the 75 degree climb I was half way through completing. Thank God I’m not prone to altitude sickness. Meanwhile, Google maps made it look like a walk in the park with no warning that you might need a pickaxe to get to your destination.
Unisex washrooms
Whether a triple D or a Michelin two-star, the norm is to have one unisex washroom. Despite the fact some are equipped with a urinal, I’m sure it sparks many arguments about leaving the seat up or pissing all over the floor. Just like being at home…
Drivers
Having spent enough time in Toronto where pedestrians reign supreme, walking in San Francisco is a life threatening ordeal. Yellow lights and those red for less than three seconds means car will accelerate through intersection with no regard for hapless pedestrians trying to bolt across the street in the last seconds. Finally, a city with the realization that a couple of thousand pounds of metal will win against 175 lbs of flesh any day.
A Tale of Two Cheeses
Burrata has surfaced on a few menus in the Toronto area but it is a definite staple among a lot of the San Francisco hot spots like State Bird Provisions and Rich Table. Perhaps it’s the versatility of this cheese or the fact that goat cheese is so three years ago, but Burrata graces many of the menus across the city whether it be in chilled soup, served with crackers or on top of garlic bread.
Mt. Tam is a creamy Brie like cheese that also finds it way into many dishes in San Francisco. It adheres to the ever present “farm to table” philosophy of the city with no compromise on taste. It was used with great success in a number of dishes, most notably State Bird’s quail egg skillet.
Duck liver
Similar to Cuban cigars, Canadians can indulge on Fois Gras at will. Perhaps in response to the Californian law outlawing the selling of this delicacy in the state, restaurateurs have taken to selling duck liver pate instead. It frequently appears on menus across San Francisco and is served with a jaded side of “who needs force fed goose liver anyway” mixed with a little “at least our state can win a Stanley Cup!”.
My Take
San Francisco is a vibrant city with a patchwork of diverse neighborhoods. It’s as dirty as it is fascinating. The difference between condemned buildings, schizophrenic streetwalkers and Tiffany and Sak’s Fifth Avenue is a few blocks. The restaurant scene is filled with Michelin stars, James Beard awards, old school celebrity chefs, up and coming culinary geniuses, eateries carved out of rundown edifices and a spectrum of ethnic and fusion cuisine. I didn’t see a speck of Rice-a-Roni anywhere.
Fare..Eat..Ales 