Dispatch: Hello, may I help you?
Me: Yes, I’d like to report a UFO sighting.
Dispatch: A UFO sir? Where are you?
Me: I’m at Jethro’s.
Dispatch: Jethro’s? Are you in a trailer park somewhere, sir?
Me: No, I’m on Dunbar Street in Vancouver.
Dispatch: OK. Why don’t you tell me what you saw?
Me: Well, I dropped into this DDD for breakfast and ordered some biscuits and gravy to start. The gravy was out of this world. Hahaha…get it? Anyway, the gravy was rich and tasty and had a nice spicy kick which took a minute to materialize in my mouth. The biscuits weren’t quite cloud-like. Well, maybe a heavy cloud. Anyway, suddenly these two UFOs landed right at my table.
Dispatch: Sir, have you been drinking?
Me: No, they don’t serve alcohol. I had a coffee though.
Dispatch: Ok. Please describe the UFOs.
Me: They were about 12 inches in diameter and a couple of centimeters thick. Light brown in colour and filled with strawberries and frosted flakes. They were also covered in some sort of white material. I’ll send you a pic.
Dispatch: White material? Could it be whipped cream sir? What did you do next sir?
Me: Hmmmmm…ya whipped cream sounds right. Well, they looked good so I ate them. Or at least I tried. I only managed to get through three quarters of one of them.
Disptach: Were they grrrrrreaaat!? (slight snicker).
Me: Well yes, that’s what they are called. Grrrreat cakes.
Dispatch: Oh. Do you think it’s an isolated incident?
Me: No. The staff were way too friendly. And most of them have a lot of ink so I think they are actually maps that may in fact identify where the mothership is. I forgot my iPad at the table and they ran out after me to make sure I got it back. Maybe they bugged it…
Dispatch: Ok sir. So let me summarize. You went to Jethro’s in Vancouver, ordered really good biscuits and gravy and what sounds like large pancakes stuffed with strawberries and frosted flakes. They were both grrrreat. The staff is friendly and most are heavily tattooed and they chased you out the door to return the iPad you foolishly left at the table.
Me: Yes, that sounds right.
Dispatch: Well sir, I don’t believe they are UFOs. They just sound like big, tasty pancakes. Pancakes don’t fly sir.
Me: Oh, the F stands for flying. I thought it stood for fluffy.
Dispatch: You sure they don’t serve alcohol?
Dispatch: OK, I’m going to close this file sir. I think we have all the information we need. I suggest next time maybe you order an omelette, one of the benedicts or maybe the massive breakfast burrito. The variety is insane and the portions are huge.
Me: Ya, I think I saw the burrito. It looked like a bus. The lunch sounds good too. Thanks.
Dispatch: No problem sir.
Verdict: 5 Guyz